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Piercings Are A Wild Concept

I would like to start this blog off by saying, do what makes you happy and rock em if you got em BUUUT I think we can all agree the idea of puncturing your skin to put a lil bling bling in is an all around nuts thing to do. (Unless it’s a part of your religion / culture. )

Now I’m not talking about the piercings that society has been deemed both acceptable and fashionable. These are your standard: ears and nose piercings. Those I get. I’m more focused on the face and body piercings people feel the need to get. 

Belly Button Piercing

I can’t say this without sounding like my parents but WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF BELLY BUTTON PIERCINGS. We all had them, but why? The belly button itself is a bizarre little circle that once connected you to your own mother. But for whatever reason, we decided to clip and stick a little dangly charm right up in there. I’m not saying they’re awful but if you truly take a step back, they really don’t make any sense. Who was the first lil lady that looked down at that empty hole on their stomach and said “I need to throw some icy jewels on that shit.” Now I know early 2000’s fashion is back but I would like to suggest that we leave this fade in the past. If they keep pushing low rise jeans, it’s just a matter of time before everyones naval is blinged out. 

Corset Piercing

NOPE. DO ANY OF YOU REMEMBER THIS WILD PIERCING FADE??? I WILL NEVER FORGET IT. Thankfully, I think this too has passed AND FOR GOOD REASON. What in your right mind makes you get this? This might be the only one that I just genuinely can’t wrap my head around. IF YOU LOVE CORSETS JUST BUY A SHIT TON OF THEM. You DO NOT need to have one permanently dug into your skin, girl. Not to mention, a corsets job is to give you a snatched figure. With this, the only thing that’s going to snatch is your skin…right off. 0/10 don’t recommend. 

Labia Piercing

Remember how many crazy things you heard and found out about in middle school? Well for me, when I found out that ladies get their magic spot pierced I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t grasp the idea of it. I still really can’t. So, I decided to look it up. After scrolling a few disturbing images and deleting my browsing history I found out that this type of piercing actually serves a purpose for us gals. Apparently, “one of the main reasons women give for vaginal piercing is sexual enhancement. Some women who’ve been pierced “down there” say it helped them reach their first orgasm.” So this intimate piercing serves a purpose buuuuut, HOW FUCKING AWKWARD WOULD IT BE TO WALK INTO A PIERCING SHOP WITH THE INTENTION TO FLASH AND PIERCE YOUR COOTER. I suppose it’s like getting a brazilian but on steroids. Not to mention, PIERCINGS GET INFECTED ALL THE TIME. IMAGINE HAVING AN INFECTED PIERCINGS RIGHT UP IN YOUR WHO-HA. As my baby Randy Jackson once said, “it’s a no from me dawg.”

Nipple Piercings

Similar to the last, nipple piercings are another intimate puncture to endure. This was a huge thing to do in the last five years but I think it’s faded out since. Girls were flocking to studios to dump em out for horny stranger, and pierce em up. Don’t get me wrong, I get the hype. It’s a fun little surprise for anyone you’re hooking up with. I just feel bad for the inverted nippled ladies who don’t have this as an option. 

Monroe Piercing

I’m going to say it, cancel me if you must but the Monroe piercing is symbolism for being complete and utter white trash. It’s rare to see a woman with this piercing now a days, but those who got it in the past still have to walk around with the scar of who they once were. When I see this piercing I can’t help but think that these people wanted a birth mark SO BAD that they shoved a silver ball above their upper lip. People who are born with birth marks are teased and made fun of until they finally realize that they are beauty marks that make them unique. People who get a Monroe just say “fuck it, now I’m different.” On top of that, I have to wonder…do you idolize miss Marilyn THAT MUCH that you needed the SAME EXACT feature on your skin?

That’s all for now, thank you for coming to my trash talk.

Written by Grace O'Malley

If Carrie Bradshaw drank a little bit too much and was originally from Boston...

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