Alyssa Schoener
First base: sex. Second base: hanging out multiple times a week sober. Third base: Taking another girl to his date party?
This was my reality throughout my whole college experience, and unfortunately for a lot of girls out there, it’s the reality for them too. It happens like clockwork. I don’t care who you are. You could be GiGi Hadid, it still happens to you. Okay, well maybe not GiGi Hadid because I don’t think she’s hanging out with frat boys (maybe she is, who am I to say what she’s into), but you get the point. You are all victims.
So let us dive into this and really dissect why this is so fucking annoying because it truly makes me want to burn down whatever bar the date party is in and ransack a fraternity house.
First Base: sex.
This base is my favorite because it usually involves free drinks. That’s just how it typically starts. They DM you on instagram saying “date party?” and you say yes. Even if he’s not cute (he’s usually not). After a few hours of free drinks, you spend your night in the most luxurious place ever: his frat house, where you have to pass other guys using the urinal if you want to use the bathroom. (They should seriously add a women’s bathroom to the upstairs of these places). Or you could hold it in and risk peeing the bed in your sleep. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.
During the deed, someone will probably walk in on you guys. But if he’s one of the good ones, he’ll lock the door. That’s usually met with his drunk ass friends banging on the door, or even rolling a firecracker under the door which will, in fact, scare the shit out of you and maybe even make you go deaf. Don’t ask me how I know this, I’m not willing to talk about it.
If he thinks you’re hot enough (he probably does) and enjoyed having sex with you (he probably did), he’ll drive you home in the morning. If he sticks you in an uber, it’s because he either doesn’t like you (impossible) or he’s still too drunk to drive (probable).
Second Base: Hanging out multiple times a week sober
This is the base that’ll get ya. You guys start hanging out while you’re SOBER, which you think, is a huge step. He even talks to you, and has conversations with you. He asks what your major is. Woah.
Even better, he cuddles with you. (For the record, I don’t let men do this with me anymore for this sole reason). You think things are going pretty well, you think things are consistent. And then, your worst possible fear comes true.
Third Base: Taking another girl to his date party?
You get a text message from a girl who has a boyfriend in your hookup’s fraternity. She says, “Hey what’re you wearing to the date party tonight? This theme is so stupid I have no idea what to wear lol.”
Date Party? Tonight? You had no clue. And then it clicks. He’s taking another bitch. This is why your snapchat has been left on delivered for 12 hours. Because men are scared of confrontation. You don’t even ask him about it. You just get furious. A fire is ignited within you. You text EVERYONE you know telling them what he did, and they act shocked even though it has happened to them too, about 7 times.
You spend the rest of your night replaying every interaction you guys have ever had, wondering what you said wrong to not get invited to his hippie theme date party. And before you know it…
Home Run.
This is the base that pisses me off the most. Unfortunately for the both of you, he accidentally invited a girl to his date party who knows her self worth, so he can’t get her to go home with him. He goes back home alone, hammered, and texts you, “wyd.”
And ladies, you better not fucking answer. This is when you take his vagina privileges away… for good. Unless in three weeks he invites you to formal in New Orleans. Then maybe, you can sacrifice your pride, but only for the free trip.
