What Each American Girl Doll Would Drink At A Bar

This is going to be weird.

Before engrams types and sororities, girls were sorted by which American Girl doll they had.

Some girls had multiple hundred dollar dolls, with outfits that cost more than my clothes now. Other girls didn’t even have a doll or just had their older sister’s hand-me-down. Regardless, we all had a doll we had or coveted.

I had Felicity. She is the OG horse girl. I was never a horse girl growing up, but I do possess some HG energy. I picked Felicity because she had the prettiest hair and name.

The dolls were our friends. We loved them. Now I’m going to tell you what I imagine each doll would get to drink at a bar.

Disclaimer: I won’t do all the dolls just the ones whose books I remember.

Kit – PBR

This girly lived during the great depression so she is stressed about money. It’s the trauma. Similar to dads, who grew up poor and now make six figures, Kit will be no fun out. She’s just going to be stressed about how much money she’s wasting. Kit will not be buying a round for the table. Similar to your broke friend, she will Venmo request you immediately for the fries you split on her bill.

Addy – Whiskey straight up

Addy has seen some things. She doesn’t need a mixer. No whiskey and coke. She wants to feel the burn. Some people drink for fun, Addy is drinking to get through. She probably was drinking whiskey at ten years old. She’s sitting at the end of the bar, in the shadows, dropping wisdom into your conversation.

Samantha – Champagne – Veuve Clicquot or more expensive.

If I remember correctly, Samatha was a rich bitch. But she’s the best kind of rich friend who pays for you to come with her to the steak dinner. She buys a bottle for the table and apps. She’s old money. She’s never had a meal with less than three forks. She might send back a bottle if it’s not satisfactory. But you can’t act embarrassed or complain because she bought your broke ass drinks.

Felicity – Vodka Soda

She was a horse girl and we all know how crazy HG girls turned out. Felicity grew up when women couldn’t even walk around without stockings and a bonnet on. All their dances back then were already choreographed, no twerking. The men got to go to school, while the women stayed home and sewed. But felicity was a freak. She wanted to run free. Those types of girls always drink Vodka Sodas. WELL vodka sodas. She also is taking tequila shots. If anyone hands her a bottle she takes a pull. She’s either fun or embarrassing.

Kirstein – Fireball

Shots. Just shots. Fireball. She’s trying to forget her sad-ass childhood. Her books were so sad. She’s a fictional character, why did they have to do that to her?

Molly – An IPA you’ve never heard of from a local brewery that costs more than your meal.

Something about Molly’s glasses screams Williamsburg elite. Her sweater also gives off studied abroad vibes. Only drinks the coolest IPAs that have cans with a Van Gough painting on them.

If I didn’t name your doll, I’m sorry!!! I just can’t bear to continue writing about getting drunk with my childhood doll. It’s too pathetic.

Written by Caroline Bano

Super boring girl with mediocre personality....but I'm hot. Read my blog. NYC.

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