My freshman year of college, I remember feeling pretty lost. Looking back, I don’t think I was happy. I was going through a ~dramatic~ break up that chipped away at most of my self esteem. I had no confidence and I was pretty miserable. Picture the biggest buzzkill at every party.
I would go out and refuse to talk to anyone. I’m pretty sure I was also kind of mean. I was jealous of those super-hot girls I’d see at parties who seemed so sure of themselves.
I had no confidence. I was never sure of myself. I didn’t feel cute, and I also had access to social media. It was a dangerous combination. I was a mess. Think “Marvin’s Room” on my Snapchat story.
I probably needed therapy.
Instead, I went with an interesting choice – I decided I was going to dye my hair blonde. For reference, if you thought I’ve been blonde my entire life, you’re wrong, here’s what I looked like before.
I didn’t love the way I looked. I knew I needed a change. So what bigger change is there than to dye your hair a completely different color? I started running the idea by my roommates.
Their answers were immediate no’s. They were pretty convinced I was going insane. And maybe I was. I had never dyed my hair in my entire life, not even a single highlight. So why did I wake up one day and decide I wanted to bleach my entire head? Was this a Britney 2007 moment? Maybe. Actually, looking back, yes.
When my roommates and all of my closest friends told me not to do it, I decided to turn to loose acquaintances. It was to the point where I was literally asking people that were sitting next to me in my lectures. So when complete strangers were telling me not to do it, I did what anyone would do. I made a Twitter poll.
Another no. You’d think at this point I’d grasp the concept that I should definitely not bleach my hair. Instead, all of the no’s and terrified looks people gave me when I told them my plan made me want it even more.
I think the main fear my friends had was that they couldn’t picture me as a blonde. It would be a complete 180-degree change and they were scared I’d look completely different. And bad.
I was hell-bent on proving them wrong, so I made the appointment anyway.
To be honest, I do look completely different! But it wasn’t just the way I looked that changed, it was my entire life. In my head, that salon appointment changed everything. Overnight I was happier, I looked healthier, and I was more confident. The weirdest part was that people were suddenly way nicer to me.
Now I divide my life into two sections: pre-blonde versus blonde. Looking back, my pre-blonde years were a super dark time. Literally.
I cared way too much about what everyone else thought. Now I’m wise enough to understand the change wasn’t my hair at all, it was my outlook. I had control over my life, no one else did.
I’ve been blonde for a few years now, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more happy, content, and confident. If you have the urge to make a huge change in your life, you should do it! Don’t listen to anyone else. Not even a Twitter poll.
My friends always joke that they almost ruined my life by forcing me to stay a brunette forever. They agree that I’m supposed to be blonde. It’s been a few years now, and most of the people in my life forget what I even looked like with dark hair.
Sometimes I scroll through the “dark ages” of my Twitter and Instagram and I don’t recognize the girl I see. It’s clear she wasn’t happy or sure of herself. I wish I could shake her and scream: Put your phone down and go to the salon! It’s bigger than just my hair, though. I’ve realized I’ve developed an inner confidence that isn’t based on my appearance at all.
The reason I know this is because I no longer feel jealous of hot, confident girls, instead, I want to be friends with them. I don’t feel the need to subtweet lame guys, and I no longer have a playlist that consists of just the song “Marvin’s Room” on repeat.
There are 2 things I know for sure:
Number 1: The “2007 Britney phase” seems scary, but it’s actually important. (#FreeBritney). For me, something like dying my hair was a monumental step. On the outside, it might’ve seemed like I was going a little crazy, but now I really think everyone needs to have at least a few “crazy” moments in their lifetime. It’ll probably just end up making them a better person in the end.
And number 2. I am a blonde.