As I sit aimlessly swiping through Tinder receiving not many matches and only messaging the few that I genuinely want to mess with (and by mess with, I mean send messages that cause them to immediately unmatch with me), I’ve come to realize that there are some features of Tinder profiles (other than me being unattracted to their photos… I could get into those red flags, but I would have approximately zero female friends left) that are immediate turn-offs. You may have guessed it, but I’m going to tell you those red flags now.
Distance
Most of my more genuine Tinder use goes on when I’m at school, and even though I have a three-mile radius set up, there are times when I get someone outside that radius. I am lazy and won’t ever consider a girl that I would have to put more than just a little bit of effort into going to see, so if they don’t go to my college or are not in a real close location it’s a big fat no from me.
Age
Before I get into this, I need to specify what I mean by age. I have an issue when the age listed on the profile is different from an age put in the bio. When it says 23 on the profile and 21 in the bio, it means she made Tinder when she was sixteen. I had barely started puberty when I was sixteen, and if this girl was on Tinder, it means she’s about two and a half years ahead of me sexually. I won’t lie, that’s simply too intimidating for me. I can’t do it.
One Picture
I’m just going to assume you’ve had some kind of major deformity occur since that photo was taken and swipe on.
“Aspiring Milf”
I’m not even going to pretend to try and act like this is somehow morally okay. What I am about to say is probably wrong on so many levels. But it’s what goes through my head, and I have very little filter: If you’re an aspiring MILF, it means you’re not a WILF (Woman I’d Like to Fuck). I don’t care about the future right now, that’s why I’m on Tinder. So if you’re aspiring to be someone I’d want to fuck down the line, what’s my interest in you now?
The ”Who are you?” Profile
These are the girls that just leave you asking the question, “Who are you?” after viewing the profile. Pretty straight forward name that I gave it, but basically, I don’t care how hot you are as a group: if I don’t know which one of you I’m getting rejected by, why should I even try?
Pronouns
I guess maybe it can make sense to put pronouns in an Instagram bio for people. I don’t get it, but whatever there are probably logical arguments behind it somewhere. The thing about Tinder is that I specifically requested to see females and only females (she/hers), so I don’t want to see anything else.
Flat Out Dudes
Somehow, sometimes there are dudes on my Tinder. I don’t know if it’s as much of a red flag as it is just, c’mon… I don’t have any interest in the dudes at all.
Photo by Artur Tumasjan on Unsplash
