The Problem With National Boyfriend Day

Disloyal man walking with his girlfriend and looking amazed at another seductive girl

I woke up today to a “Good morning Handsome” text and my girlfriend even promised she wouldn’t be sassy for the whole day! (It lasted 8 minutes) But there is a huge problem with National Boyfriend Day.

I have discovered a MAJOR issue with every girl’s boyfriend being the “best boyfriend in the world” which is simply impossible. It’s theoretically improbable that every girl I went to high school with has the “best boyfriend in the world”, even though I am certain that the same guy cheated on her AT LEAST 3 times in the last 6 months.

I am a football guy. As a football guy, I think of everything in comparison to football. That’s just how my brain works and I won’t apologize for it. With that being said, here how I view myself as a boyfriend in football terms.

If there was a draft of boyfriends, I think I would end up somewhere in the 3rd to 4th round, coming from a Power 5 conference, but not one of the good schools. I am clearly not the best boyfriend in the world, but I am a good value pick for what you’re gonna get. I will get you flowers, take you out for dinner, and listen to everything you have to say. The problem is my Saturdays and Sundays in the fall are consumed with pigskin and I sometimes forget to wash my hair with shampoo. I am not gonna be a superstar right away, but I will contribute. With the right coaching (girlfriend), I could probably make a Pro Bowl or All-Pro team at some point in my career as a boyfriend.

I think this is a better outcome than being a 1st round pick where expectations are high and a lot of pressure from the fanbase but that’s just me.

Written by TFM Stelly

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