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5 Best Times to Get an NRB (No Reason Boner)

A No Reason Boner (NRB) can be a dangerous thing, but it can also be a wonderful thing. This guy said it best:

But because I’m a ray of sunshine and positivity, I’m just going to focus on the good times you can be blessed with random blood flow to your crotch.

During the Pledge of Allegiance

Some may say that standing in a high school classroom at full mast would be one of the more embarrassing things that could happen to a person, and that would be the case if you were giving a presentation on euthanasia or the Rwandan genocide. But during the Pledge of Allegiance? No way, man. Anyone who looks over to see you jump from six o’clock to twelve o’clock while saying, “With liberty and justice for all,” will recognize you as a true patriot of the United States of America. It shows love of country, god dammit.

Stuck in Traffic

Being stuck in traffic is the worst! There’s nothing I hate more than sitting on I-76 moving two inches every five minutes, unless of course I’m blessed with an NRB. There’s nothing to do in traffic without one. Because you don’t have to focus on the road, no one’s going to care when you whip out your phone. And they especially won’t care when you whip out your johnson to take care of the pocket rocket that you were blessed with. It passes the time and brings relief during a truly horrible experience otherwise.

At A Funeral

Funerals are a really sad thing. It really sucks to stand and think about the death of someone you know and love. Luckily, though, the human body has a few different ways of releasing dopamine throughout the body, and one of them can be solved through the presentation of an NRB. You see, when someone plays the old skin flute, the end of that process (often referred to as an “orgasm”) releases endorphins that create a pleasurable feeling throughout the body. The cleanup may be a little awkward – and I’m sure no one’s going to be thrilled at hearing Brandi Love moan during a eulogy – but in sad times it’s important to put yourself first and make sure you’re as happy as can be.

Hanging Around the Playground

Before you get all worked up, I’m not a sicko. This has nothing to do with the children swinging from the monkey bars and going down slides. It’s about the demographic watching over them. Whether it’s a nanny or a MILF, there will always be a great selection of women watching over these youngsters as they enjoy the playful bliss of childhood, so you’ve got to make an impression. The problem is, these ladies will always be hyper focused on the “safety of their children,” which means that you’ve got to make yourself standout. And let me tell you, nothing will make you stand out more than strutting around the jungle gym with a fully-pitched tent, courtesy of an NRB.

Meeting Your Girlfriend’s Father
It’s a tale as old as time: your first meeting with the guy whose balls produced the girl that’s been fondling yours, and you’re terrified. Girlfriend’s dads are like dogs: they can sense fear. So popping a Steve Stifler while you’re shaking his hand? Immediately shows that not only do you have no fear for this guy, but you’re also comfortable with the fact that he can take a good old gander at the piece that’s been defiling his daughter. The tables will turn. Because of that NRB, he now fears you.

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Written by TFM

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