I’m the worst better of all time. Parlaying the opposite of these picks is probably free money. Do whatever you want with that information.
Jaguars vs. Falcons
Calvin Ridley is so ready for his revenge game, that he will forget to use a VPN to place his Jags money line bet, and he will be suspended. Christian Kirk’s over in yards is a lock.
Colts vs. Rams
Anthony Richardson is going to come back and get another concussion, because I’m starting him in fantasy. I owned Tua last year. Just trust me.
Browns vs. Ravens
Lamar Jackson is the best pocket passer in this game. Ravens -19.5 is a lock.
Panthers vs. Vikings
Bryce Young is back. Vikings money line is the play here, because I refuse to believe they go winless this year.
Titans vs. Bengals
These teams are both pretty underwhelming. Without looking, I’m thinking the under is the play here. Even if it’s in the twenties.
Saints vs. Buccaneers
This game is Jameis Winston vs. Baker Mayfield. I bet this game will be really fun to watch. I guess, the pick is the over, but you won’t need financial incentive to watch this game.
Bills vs. Dolphins
Parlay a bunch of offensive overs and touchdown scorers. This will be a good one.
Bears vs. Broncos
I’m finally benching Justin Fields in fantasy this week, and the Broncos just gave up seventy points. Bet Justin Fields for two passing touchdowns and a rushing touchdown.
Eagles vs. Commanders
The Commanders under 3.5 points. Jalen Carter: good. Sam Howell: bad.
Texans vs. Steelers
Tank Dell touchdown. I like his name, and he’s pretty good.
Chargers vs. Raiders
Davante Adams anytime touchdown. He’s so good, and the Raiders are so bad that this is pretty automatic.
49ers vs. Cardinals
I’m all aboard the Josh Dobbs bandwagon. Cardinals money line. The odds are insane, and he has the most bald swagger America has seen since Die Hard.
Cowboys vs. Patriots
Dak Prescott over 0.5 interceptions. He finally broke last week, and I think he’s going to really hit his stride in the next few games.
Jets vs. Chiefs
Zach Wilson is starting. Pick the Chiefs to win by a lot of points.
Giants vs. Seahawks
DK Metcalf touchdown. Deonte Banks looks to be a good corner so far, but he is just way too thin to match up with the NFL’s closest thing to Arnold Schwarzenegger.