As we begin Memorial Day Weekend, it’s important to remember that this holiday represents more than a long weekend and the beginning of summer. Memorial Day is a day to remember fallen vets, as well as recover from the hangover you gave yourself on the previous three days as you prematurely celebrated. It’s one of my favorite holidays, for the following reasons:
Beach Beers
My definition of beach beers is different than most people’s. I hate the beach. I think it has too much sand, is way too hot, and is brutal on the skin of a person whose dad once referred to him as a bag of milk. What you can do, is find a group of people who love going to the beach and encourage them to do so while you hang back and get hammered. Also, most people love going to the beach so if you play your cards right you can hang out on someone else’s balcony while they’re gone and enjoy some suds the way they were intended. Without the annoyance of young children.
Hot Dogs
This is exactly what you think. I love hot dogs and think they should be consumed year-round. In my opinion, they only get the love they deserve on a summer holiday. I’m still at the age where I can squeeze my way over to a friend’s house and mooch some free food off of their parents, which is a move I pull off as much as possible. I’m hoping my day tomorrow consists of at least twelve hot dogs, and I plan on paying for none of them. My friend has a shirt that reads, “My body is a machine that turns hot dogs into hot logs.” That’s my motto for this weekend.
Promiscuity
One of the best parts of spring break was seeing girls in bikinis in the middle of a season outfitted by puffy jackets and ripped jeans. The great thing about summer is this becomes a part of daily life. Let’s be honest, men totally lucked out in terms of clothing of choice. While we are able to toss on a wrinkled t-shirt and call it a day, women keep it fresh. They find new ways to develop their fashion while still wearing less cloth than it takes to cover up a chihuahua. It’s an added bonus of summer that begins on Memorial Day Weekend.
Misbehaved Youth
This may be a big negative to many people, but I think this is fun waiting to happen. Remember how much of an asshole you were in high school when you were desperate to see a nipple, just one time. These kids are going to be out in full force all weekend, and you can use their impressionable young minds to have some fun of your own. Being old enough to legally buy alcohol will make you a god to this demographic and they will do anything they can to impress you. Last summer, my friends and I found a group of drunk sophomores roaming the streets of Ocean City, New Jersey and let them hang out for a little bit. We pretended to be interested in their stories, told them they were sick a couple of times, and kept their vape when they left. Ten out of ten experience, would do again.
