I’ve dealt with anxiety for the past five years, as have many of you. As children, we were all put in a uniform line going from class to class, fingerpainting, and watching kids snort milk. After a day of being constantly occupied, you got off the school bus, did some homework, and headed off to practice. If you had a cool Mom or an older brother, you got to play some Call of Duty before bed, and you repeated this every day for nine months out of the year. Nowadays, shit has hit the fan. My rent was due yesterday- I have no fucking clue how I’m going to pay it.I have no idea where I’m living when my lease ends in a month, my girlfriend is moving to FUCKING ARIZONA, and I work for a company that just had our Instagram account with 1.5 million followers removed.
Most likely, you have something similar going on too. And just when we thought we were in the clear, new variants of COVID are coming out at the rate Logic used to drop mixtapes.BUUUUUUT, it’s important to remember that the only reason you have anxiety is that you’re smart. You understand that actions have consequences, and you’re fearful of how things will play out. I’m here for you, though; there are many of us on the internet who are going through the same thing. I’m going to give you some tips about dealing with anxiety that isn’t the corny bullshit advice you’ve already read a million times on WikiHow.
Try Sunday Scaries:
These little fuckers have helped me get to bed every night for the past two months. I’m grateful to work with a sponsor that I actually believe in. 90% of the podcast promotions you hear are bullshit. I’d tell you that if they don’t work for you, I’ll personally give you the money back, but as I’ve already mentioned, I don’t have enough money for rent this month. At this point, my body has become too adept to the gummies, so I’m using the oil now. Look, it’s not going to knock you out like a Xanax or taking a 750mL of whiskey to the face, but it functionally reduces anxiety.
If you have a little bit of fear, grab one before a flight. If you’re always anxious, keep a bottle in your glove box. Trust me on this; the oils are fucking fantastic. If you can smoke regular weed hungover, keep doing you, but if you’re like me, go grab a bottle of this shit right here.
Call That One Person:
We all have that one friend. It’s not the person that makes us most comfortable or the person we trust the most: it’s the person that will never fail to make you laugh. During one of my worst cases of Sunday Scaries, I woke up with no money in a hotel an hour and a half away from my Airbnb.
Sitting on a Fort Lauderdale sidewalk, torturing myself with my thoughts, I called my friend, who proceeded to tell me about his previous night that consisted of rolling six points of molly, cheating on his girlfriend, and getting his wallet stolen. Comedy is adversity’s best coping mechanism. If you’re lucky enough to have a hilarious friend, cherish them.
Open Your Mind:
I tried everything before starting a blog. Therapists, medication, breathing techniques- you name it. Nothing worked. I spent YEARS convincing myself I was having heart attacks and feeling hopeless. I’ve spent many nights abusing alcohol and many mornings struggling to get out of bed. I didn’t start blogging because I wanted to make money. I started blogging because it was inexplicably therapeutic. One day I was hungover in bed, freaking out, and for some reason, I just started typing. I don’t know why.
And maybe it’s not blogging for you, perhaps it’s not making content at all, but there’s something you are MISSING, and you don’t know about it. Anxiety has no cure; anxiety can only be maintained. I still struggle mightily, but it’s apples and oranges to how hopeless I used to be. So, maybe the next time your friend who doesn’t shut the fuck up about squash asks if you’ll join him, try it. Maybe the next time your Mom wants to play a game of chess or your psychologist wants you to try something new, do it. If you’re REALLY struggling with anxiety, there’s no excuse for you to call things “stupid” or “a waste of time” when they might lead you down the right path.
Because you are not the first person who has been anxious, you won’t be the last. If someone offers you a potential solution, it’s worth a shot- you feel like your dying a few times a week as is.
Do Something That Sucks:
If you read that out loud, it sounds really stupid, but it’s not. Doing something that makes your body uncomfortable can take your mind off of having an existential crisis—for instance, running—running sucks.
Nobody likes running; even runners can admit that. But when you’re outside, sweating your balls off listening to music about murder and jewelry in your Flynit Nike running shoes, you’re not thinking about the bills you have to pay or the project that’s due that you haven’t started; all you can concentrate on is the now. Sometimes, I lay on a thick amount of hot sauce when I have a really bad panic attack and I’m out to eat. It’s pretty hard to be worried about the future when your mouth is on fire in the now. Do something that would make you sweat out a hangover.
I wish you all the best, my friends.
