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Golden Knights Awarded VIP Orgy Access

After winning the Stanley Cup for the first time in the club’s history, the Las Vegas Golden Knights appear to be taking advantage of some of the accompanying perks of being a champion. The reason we really know this, is because of sex-worker Alice Little. She has offered up her brothel and her body to the team to have a huge orgy. Little works at the Chicken Ranch brothel in Vegas, and has presented her and, “dozens of ladies,” to reward the Golden Knights for their accomplishment. Thank god for Little’s friends. Because not even an experienced sex worker like herself has the stick skills to deal with twenty hockey guys alone.

Alice Little from her Instagram.

Joe Biden shouldn’t even invite these guys to the White House. His offer is going to be like a child’s birthday party compared to this one. Vegas has been trying to convince the world that it can be a sports town for a few years now. But this is the first time I’ve actually believed it. Maybe the A’s really should move to Vegas. The players clearly need some motivation, and Alice Little is doing her own version of Al Pacino’s speech from Any Given Sunday. She’s even, “adding up all the inches” the same way Pacino suggested. 

In addition to a one-night buffet of women, Little also offered the men VIP card to join their, “Eyes Wide Shut,” events. Clearly, Little’s fandom for hockey and Nevada’s wonderful prostitution laws have created what should be a new tradition for professional sports championships. Why go to Disney World and make a run on morning talk shows when you and your teammates can really do some group bonding?

In other news, the Vegas Golden Knights will be the first team to have their championship rings sized for a part of their body other than their hand. If you can’t tell what it is, I’ll just say it’s not their toes, either. 

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Written by TFM

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