Once you start seeing airbrushed pictures of girls next to a campus fountain, you know that the show is ending. Just yesterday it feels like your friend was telling you about some calculator app where you could save intimate photos at the eighth-grade lunch table, and now people you’ve blacked out with a significant amount of times are treating Linkedin like they’re an NBA player that just got traded. If you see the words I’m so excited to announce again, you might just go full Sean Kingston post-breakup with a beautiful girl in 2007- suicido. Maybe you found your job already, or maybe you haven’t yet and Mom certainly isn’t going to love you sitting on her couch putting money you don’t have on parlays, but wherever you are in life unless you’re a loser… you’re confused.
And that’s alright. We are all confused. We aren’t as confused as the forty-seven-year-old man with a wife and kids who watched Dune and has been sneaking into gay bars after work ever since, but many questions remain unanswered. The biggest misconception in life is that all fun stops once whatever college you go to hands you the world’s most expensive piece of paper because that couldn’t be further from the truth. Yes, peeing in the street at 4AM on Tuesday and sleeping in until 11 AM on Wednesday isn’t as acceptable at 22 or 23 as it was at 19; however, you have your entire life ahead of you. Most of you will be able to do what you’ve been doing, but with money and safer pills/power. The show isn’t coming to a close; the show is just beginning. If you feel like you’re behind, or maybe you’re doing a fifth year, don’t feel bad about it. Life is like fucking Mario Kart, you’re going to get where you need to go, and for some of us a banana peel gets in the way.
The world is your oyster unless you disagree with Taylor Lorenz on politics, in which case your address will be published to the masses. Much love.
