How To Win March Madness

LOUISVILLE, KY - MARCH 26: The Sweet 18 and Elite 8 Logo on display at center court during the Creighton Bluejays versus the San Diego State Aztecs in the Elite 8 Round of the NCAA Men's Division I Basketball Championship South Regional on March 26, 2023, at KFC Yum! Center in Louisville, KY.(Photo by Jeffrey Brown/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Now that we officially have our Final Four and there are no #1 seeds left in the tournament, I wanted to put myself out there and say I am ready to start my sports analysis career. I would be better at my job than most people at ESPN and I would look like Prime Michael Jordan in comparison to Kendrick Perkins. His takes make me think he is off a Percocet when he’s on TV with JJ Reddick. 

In my life, I have made over 100 March Madness Brackets. After years of hard work and learning, I can finally say I have found the cheat code to March Madness. These 4 things are mandatory on your roster if you want a chance to win the National Championship. Without these things, you don’t have a fighting chance. 

Veteran Guards: If you wanna make a nice run in March, you need a veteran guard who can lead your team. We saw it with KSU’s Markquis Nowell, he put the team on his back when they took on Mr. March Tom Izzo and his team Michigan State. He put up 20 points and 19 rebounds in 43 minutes. That is elite guard play and exactly what you need in March. You see it every year, a smaller school makes a crazy run and it’s always led by a solid veteran guard. 

MAKING YOUR F***ING FREE THROWS: You know what hurts worse than losing a game in March, choking the game away. There is nothing worse than your best big getting hacked by the other team and he turns into a pumpkin when he gets to the free throw line. When I become a dad, the first thing I will say to my kids is “Make your free throws”. It’s as simple as that. They’re free for a reason, make them.

3 Point Shooting: March gets weird. Upsets happen all the time. People forget that 3’s are worth more than 2’s. You could be the Kenpom #1 team the whole year and get knocked off by a school that plays in a middle school gym because you can’t shoot threes. That’s just how March goes. Some teams (Purdue) thought they had a dog in their big man but found out feeding him in the paint while the opponent is shooting lights out from 3 won’t win you the game. 

Rebounding: There is nothing that makes me madder than seeing a 7-foot human failing to grab rebounds. You got 1 job man, lock in. Giving up offensive rebounds in March is more detrimental than attacking Russia in the winter, you’re just not gonna win. Rebounding is just the story of the game in March. 

With all those points being made, my choice to win it all this year is UConn. 

Written by TFM Stelly

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