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Jamie Lynn Spears SLAYS Pussy On The Reg

Hey Jamie Lynn Spears, stop killing cats and tell us what’s in the fucking time capsule.

Jamie Lynn Spears says that her Tesla has killed “I don’t want to tell you how many cats” due to the silent nature of the car. She said this and more in a since-deleted Instagram video blaming Elon Musk for killing them and saying “You owe me a couple cats”. That’s right she said “a couple” as in, more than one cat. As in she has run over more than one cat with a car. This would happen in her driveway because the cats couldn’t hear the Tesla coming. She is blaming Tesla for killing her cats. I mean I knew Teslas had self-driving, but I didn’t know there was a “kill my fucking cat” mode.

She also apparently has enough cats to paint her child’s bedroom with dead cat blood because this is something that has happened MORE THAN ONCE. You’d think after the first cat you would buy a different car, keep them inside when you leave or I don’t know, just fucking be careful? But no. This has happened multiple times. Jamie Lynn Spears has run over more cats than there are seasons of Zoey 101. How do you not see the cats? Aren’t their cameras on every inch of each Tesla so Elon Musk can jerk off to you parallel parking? Or in this case, murdering innocent cats? 

She later retracted her statement and clarified a few things. “1) I did not run over any cats. 2) TESLA is not to be blamed, and was never intended to be.” She claims it was a “user error” and that she is very cautious when driving. But I don’t get it… YOU didn’t run them over… but it was a user error as in, the person using the car. Jamie is flip flopping more than my Aunt in Florida when a lifeguard likes her top. She is a modern-day Cruella de Vil… but with cats. I think all this laziness comes from her being carried throughout Zoey 101. Seriously, she was 100% the WORST part of that show. 

In conclusion, she says she didn’t do it and honestly I don’t care either way. I’m more of a dog person.

What do you think?

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Written by Conall Lynch

Conall drinks vodka and chases it with a Granny Smith Apple. He likes to say “the mustache is just for content” but deep down wants to keep it.

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