Alex Stelmaszczyk
Will Levis’s Girlfriend: Every year during the NFL Draft, players allow cameras to enter their personal homes or spaces to get footage of their true raw emotions the moment they get drafted. This is no different for Will Levis. Despite falling out of the 1st round this year, Will Levis won by having the hottest girlfriend. Not only does she look the way she does, but she also is TikTok famous so if the whole football thing doesn’t work out for Will, she can easily provide. Will missed out on the first-round paycheck, but I think he actually won by going to the Titans. They weren’t the best last year, but they have an established coaching staff and I think he can be successful there.
Steph Curry: Not only did Steph Curry drop 50 and beat Kevin Durant’s NBA record 48 points scored in a Game 7, but he also murdered the whole city of Sacramento. As a Kings fan, watching this game hurt. It was like watching yourself slowly die and walking closer and closer to the light. Steph is just stupid the way he shoots 3’s with no hesitation. I guess that is why he is the best shooter of all time. He also danced on all of Sacramento by saying “Light the Beam” after hitting a 3 to seal the win.
John Rahm: John Rahm has won the most money in a single PGA season and it is only April. Is this because the PGA had to raise their purse money after LIV offered millions of dollars guaranteed for players to jump ship? Yes. Is this also because John Rahm is on an absolute heater and winning every event? Yes. The real winner in all of this? The U.S. government because you know damn well Uncle Sam is opening his pockets for some of that money.
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