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The Different Types of Professors You’ll Have in College

The Geezer

This guy is old. Really old. He never put up a syllabus on Canvas because, well, there is no Canvas. He doesn’t know how to make one. He handed you a paper copy of the schedule for the semester on the first day of class, and now you show up every day with zero clue what you were supposed to do for this class. He talks in a voice so quiet that even the kiss ass kid who sits in the front row every day with a big stupid smile that you can see under his mask can’t hear this dude. He’s not a mean guy by any means, but his days of teaching should have been over fifteen years ago, and now you’re stuck taking a midterm for a class that you no longer remember the name of.

The Hypochondriac

This is probably the luckiest you can get professor-wise in college. This lady will be sick just about once a week with some kind of life-threatening illness. Because of that, she’ll cancel class almost as much as she actually holds it, these people usually end up giving you take home midterms and finals because they realize that they taught you absolutely nothing the entire semester. The only time this can be an issue is when you genuinely need to learn from the class, so if it’s essential to your major, you may want to consider dropping it and waiting until next semester to take the class.

The Regular

This is probably the most boring of professors you’ll have in college in that each day will be spent exactly how it’s supposed to be spent: them teaching you. These professors are usually pretty fair and do a good job of explaining the information, but there’s never going to be a day in class where you walk out with a story. In terms of actual learning, though, these people are gold.

The Underqualified

Maybe it’s the first year this professor has taught or maybe it’s a TA that is stuck teaching the class, but whatever the circumstance is, this person has no clue what he’s doing. He’ll say, “Wait, hold on,” at the chalkboard at least seven times per class, and when anyone asks him a question, you get the educational equivalent of either Presidential candidate’s response in the debates of last year’s election. Most people feel pretty bad for him because it’s clear he’s completely lost, but the bottom line is he can’t do his job.

The GOAT

This is the professor that they show you in movies. The one that can teach but that also makes every class a genuine fun time. You’ll laugh your ass off, but you’ll also have a tremendous amount of respect for this professor. These people are really rare, so if you get one, count your blessings. 

The Asshole

Unfortunately, I’ve had a few of these professors. They’re just the fucking worst. No matter what anyone does, there’s no getting on their good sides, and they’re all assholes when it comes to grading. They might know their stuff, but that is completely overshadowed by the fact that they are stone cold cock suckers. Fuck those people.

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Written by VinegarStrokes

Above average intelligence, below average weiner.

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