Matty Ice
Former President Donald Trump has been indicted by a Manhattan grand jury for fraudulent financial records labeled a “business expense” that served as hush money for adult film actress Story Daniels to cover up an alleged 2006 affair. Now, if I was in the shoes of President Trump, my testimony would be “but your honor, pleasure is my business.” But aside from all the politicking that will hilariously occur as a result of the indictment, I started thinking what better way to make light of the situation than to imagine what sex would be like with the former president. Please watch a short segment of Trump talking before reading this so that you can have a fresh reminder of his mannerisms, cadence and tone.
“My balls are tremendous, I have the biggest balls anyone has ever seen. I mean look at them aren’t they wonderful?” is how I imagine I would be greeted when Trump walks out of the Ritz-Carlton hotel bathroom, de-robed and ready for some patriotic penetration.
Buckle up because it’s going to get graphic.
Now I can only imagine that Trump’s manhood curves to the right, dubbing it the “Right Wing Richard,” and he would address it as such during the entire ordeal: “I hope you’re familiar with Guantanamo Bay, because big Richard here is into torture.” The 44 year old porn-star would then proceed, but I will spare the details.
In retrospect, it’s pretty hard to write a Trump porn script on a platform that permits R-Rated content.
Mr. Trump strikes me as a man who has a few kinks in the hose. And it’s edging. 110% edging: “The establishment, the establishment. It is corrupt, it is bad. They say “but Mr. Trump we need you to c*m…” I look right back at them and I tell them “no, no, I’m not going to c*m.”
I’m going to have to repent after writing this.
After Donny and Ms. Daniels… wrap up… I think this is how Trump would close: “Do you enjoy cigarettes? Frankly I think an American Spirit after a special night never hurt anybody. My wife, my wife, let me tell you, you did that thing I was talking about way better than she’s ever did. There was a lot of fingers and I mean a lot of fingers, there was a great, big amount of fingers. I’ve never seen anyone use so many fingers. How great is that? We need to make fingers gape again.”
Thank for tuning in. I hope I didn’t ruin your evening too much (Total Frat Move does not assume any liability for emotional damage stemming from this blog).
