Boomers vs. Millennials

Boomers have gotten a lot of shit over the past five years for their ignorance, their deep selfishness, the way they rapidly industrialized our country in tandem with destroying our planet, the way they dance, their phrases, and their constant hypocrisy. It’s all valid, but there’s something I love about boomers. Boomers might be apathetic and fuck you sideways, but it’s honest. It’s eating hard butterscotch candies while overhearing your Grandma’s friend boast about the guy that owns the bike store being able to send his kid to an Ivy League school because he worked seventeen hours a day for twenty years. It’s them increasing the volume to Margaritive anytime you mention healthcare. It’s Rush Limbaugh’s booming voice in the back of a car that smells like a brand new pair of Nike sneakers and a love of Jordan Spieth that eclipses that of their children. 

As much as you want to shit on boomers, finding a way to play golf in Florida and wear belts with fucking seahorses on them is kind of a sick life. I live in a gentrified neighborhood because I am part of the problem, and every time I walk outside, I feel like it’s Halloween. It’s just millennials at brunch showing off new tattoos and talking about Fintech. Every time I pass a park, I see parents on their phones and signing petitions while their children wearing eat the rich shirts struggle to socialize. And I love my bosses, they are cool, but I’ve worked with millennials in this industry that are literally spitting images of Billy Mcfarlane and WeWork type characters. LinkedIn influencers getting you to buy into a cultish like culture pretending they give a shit about humanitarian causes between demonic email threads and Instagram stories in Antigua. I don’t really know where I’m going with this. To be honest, I had nothing today, but my point here is that I’d rather get shot once in the head than stabbed four times in the heart. Not saying all boomers or all Millenials are bad people, most of both generations are good. Still, if we are going to single out entire generations of people based on bad actors, millennials have their fair share as well.