Karaoke should be described as, “the K word.” The idea of doing karaoke can be truly divisive to a group. Some people have more fun scream singing the lyrics to Britney Spears than they do anywhere else. Some people die inside from the thought of having to sing in front of a group of people. Love it or hate it, most people find themselves in a karaoke bar at some point in their lives. Not having a song ready is like more dangerous than an unprotected one-night stand with Charlie Sheen. Don’t worry though. I’ve got you covered with the perfect karaoke song for every type of person.
The Performer (AKA the Tim Moxey)
This person is the one who threw out the idea of karaoke. They love the idea of having an audience. It energizes them. They don’t care how long the song is, as long as they will get to deliver an epic performance to a crowd. They need someone to video the performance so they can show everyone they know. It doesn’t really matter if they sound good, because the energy will be immaculate. The perfect song for them is one that everyone knows so the crowd gets into it, and something that provides them with an opportunity for some showmanship. The perfect song for them is… Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.
The Duo
These two were too nervous to really go for it by themselves, but with each other up there, they will be like Simon and Garfunkel. These two didn’t really want to look at the audience much, so they will instead make an uncomfortable amount of eye contact. The energy they pick up off of each other will make up for their totally unorganized excuse for a performance. The song that will perfectly capture their energy is… I Want it That Way by Backstreet Boys
The Drunk
This person would never consider getting on the stage sober. They also would never consider being the only one who doesn’t sing when the group goes out. When the group gets ready to start picking their first songs, this guy is finding the most cost-effective way to get hammered in twenty minutes. He knows that after seven or eight glasses of liquid courage, he will become Freddie Mercury. At least he will in his head. The perfect song to match the sudden burst of energy mixed with terrible singing, is… Umbrella by Rihanna
The Scared Shitless
This person was forced here. The only time they sing is when they’re in the shower, and they make sure no one is home before they hit a note. They are far too anxious to approach that stage and they are prepared to stay in a corner the whole night. Eventually, someone starts getting on them about doing a song, and they give in just to make them stop. This creates a sudden panic for this person. This person needs a song that doesn’t force them to sing. The idea of standing in front of a group of people is already frightening for this person, so doing it while singing will make them black out from embarrassment. The perfect song for this person to swiftly end their embarrassment, is… Tequila by The Champs
