Dear Incoming Freshmen,
I know you’re all very excited to start your freshman year of college in the next couple of weeks. Probably even a little too excited. But, I understand the heightened anticipation – I was in your shoes just a year ago. While I’d venture to say my freshman year of college was the best year of my life up to this point, it also was incredibly difficult at times. This letter isn’t meant to make you any more nervous than you already are, but rather to forewarn you of some potential situations you might run into throughout your first year.
To begin, lower your roommate expectations. Even if you’ve known your future roomie for your entire life, things can go south quick. Many freshmen will expect to be lifelong friends with their roommate, but a vast majority of the time that just won’t happen. I’m not saying it’s impossible. However, living in a cubicle with another fully grown human will inevitably get dicey at times (especially when your roomie wants to get spicy on Facetime with his long-distance girlfriend). Your roommate might not even be a bad dude, but sometimes the fit simply isn’t there.
While on the topic of friendship, rushing a fraternity is a great way to meet awesome people who you’ll be close with for the rest of your life. But, sometimes getting a bid isn’t all that easy. I won’t lie, rush week will be pretty exhausting. All that sucking up gets old quickly, but it’s just a part of the process. As long as you show off some cool vape tricks to the brothers, you should be an auto-bid. However, once you take a bid somewhere, you basically have no free will for an undefined period of time. You will be forced to wash floors, clean up (or eat) vomit, and do wall sits for as long as your pledge master wants you to. Although that might sound like it sucks, everyone would say that it’s all worth it in the end. Give up one semester for seven more semesters of glory.
Oftentimes, frat guys are portrayed as pure womanizers who drink all the time. While the latter is true, I’d advise you all to temper your confidence levels when it comes to the ladies. Without fail, every freshman guy will overestimate their abilities to rizz extremely attractive women. But, don’t be discouraged by the losses. As long as you remain a volume shooter throughout your freshman year, you’ll spend plenty of nights in dorm rooms that aren’t yours. Will you regret it the morning after? Probably. However, there will be some mornings that you wake up a victor. Remember – no shot is a bad shot.
Continuing on with the discussion of college girls, I absolutely forbid you from dating anyone during your freshman year. Regardless of the fact that dining hall PDA makes everyone nauseous, having a girlfriend as a freshman is just not a smart idea. You might be thinking to yourself, “What if she’s a complete smoke show?”. Trust me pal, she’s going to cheat on you with an upperclassman the first chance she gets. That’s just how it works. Besides, you should be spending any free time you have with the boys. Chopping it up in your dorm room with the fellas late at night will make up some of your best memories from freshman year – I promise you that. Sure, you might talk about chicks the whole time, but that doesn’t mean you actually need to spend time with any of them.
I fully realize that I did not say a single thing about the actual school part of being in college. Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out. Otherwise, your parents will just pull you out of school. Study hard! All jokes aside, enjoy your freshman year as you’ll never experience anything like it again. Listen to my advice and you should be just fine – or not, I’m just a lowly blogger. However, I will mandate that none of you reading this buys a “Saturdays are for the boys” flag. You might think it’s cool now, but I promise you it’s just a waste of thirty dollars that you will desperately need after two straight months of dining hall “food”
Sincerely,
The Godfather
