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Some ‘Fresh Shit’ in Your Week

Congratulations. If you are reading this, you are a human being who is well into your Tuesday and maybe already had some tough situations, unfortunate news, or outright bad luck come your way. I call these scenarios ‘fresh shit’ because for whatever reason, they always seem to keep coming back, fresher than ever.

I apologize to anyone who has recently been through one of these specific shit storms. Seeing it and/or reliving in print form may not be as funny to them.

Cutting someone off on the highway and then slowing to a stop right next to them. 

Discovering you are OUT of soap mid-shower.

Not sure if you should handshake or fist-bump a colleague passing by, so you end up awkwardly hugging their shoulder.

Flushing a toilet at someone else’s house and seeing that nothing from your load is going down.

Stepping in dog shit and dragging it through the office.

Saying, “you too,” to the pizza delivery guy who just said, “enjoy your pizza.”

When you’re in the dentist chair, under the light, and the dentist says, “Uh oh. Is your afternoon free?”

Letting out a quick fart and then realizing it was a shart. 

Seeing a grey fin in the wave next to you while you were frolicking.

Having any sort of work-related-meeting with a man named Todd.

Being named Jeremy.

What do you think?

Written by Henry Marken

I lost my pinky finger at age 4, but then found it again at a soup kitchen when I was 15. Survivor of a wild turkey attack (2008). I went to the University of Phoenix before it was cool to do college online. Currently in a lawsuit with Crayola after a devastating purple crayon incident.

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