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AHHHHH anxiety. It’s a natural part of being alive and having a phone in your face 10 hours a day (don’t judge my screen time). I’d love to unplug. But if I did, what would my 25k TikTok followers who probably forgot they followed me and are bots do???? They need me! Anxiety is natural and there are great ways to fight it – exercise, meditation, therapy, etc. However, I’m not going to do any of that. They all sound boring. Instead, I am going to eat Sunday Scaries CBD gummies. First off, they’re delicious. Second off, they work. I’m serious. I took one and seven minutes later, I passed out on the couch. Okay yes, I had nine Vodka Sodas before that. But I have a hard time sleeping after I drink and this is a quick, delicious fix.
1. My Family Being Murdered
I am an aires, so basically I am insufferable. The only people who can tolerate me (barley) are the ones who have to – my family. I am super close with my family and when my mom dies, I am crawling in that casket with her. Some days, I can’t sleep thinking about how I’m going to survive when my parents pass. Even worse, what if my sisters or brother are killed and have a shorter life than they deserve? What if my whole family is murdered at once and I’m alone?!?!?! In those times, I have to turn off the true-crime podcast I’m listening to, pop a Sunday Scaries, and go to bed. This WORKS. The reality is, if my family is murdered, I could write a memoir and be super successful. So It’s all going to be okay.
2. We are Living in a Simulation
This is probably true. Can’t fix it. Can’t change it. Are you going to take the red or blue pill? Nah bitch, I am going to take the red and blue Sunday Scaries and watch Seinfeld.
3. Everyone Hates Me
I swear to God, my friends have a group chat I’m not in. If you’re reading this, I KNOW. I can just tell they secretly hate me. Even worse, some of my best friends have friends who openly don’t like me. Now, this is just the reality of being alive. Some people will love you, some will not. However, the fear of my besties talking shit about me with someone who hates me??? Horrifying. When I start spiraling like this, I need to realize I am a badass bitch. The reality is, we all talk shit. Also, if these people are wasting their time obsessing over how much they hate me, I’m flattered. Is this what it’s like to be famous?? I’m happy you’re obsessed with me! All press is good press. So basically, they’re talking shit, but they’re a fan! The best is if someone subtweets or openly posts about not liking you. Every rude TikTok or Twitter comment boosts my ego. But for this to happen, I have to not respond to the trolls. It’s an endless rabbit hole of anger. I need to pop a Sunday Scaries, turn on Meg Thee Stallion, and remember how cool I am.
4. Snakes, Rats, and Spiders Are Going to Crawl Into My Bed While I’m Sleeping
THIS ONE. IDK. No way to cope except Sunday Scaries. Nothing I can do here.
5. I Forgot About Class and Miss the Final
This one is the best because I’m not even in school anymore. So like, why is this an anxiety of mine??? I will wake up at 4 am like, HOLY SHIT I DIDN’T STUDY. This is just PTSD from the educational system. The educational system is one-size-fits-all. As we know from Brandy Melville crop tops, one size fits all is bullshit. The educational system does not take into account creatives and mentally ill people(I know it’s more than just those two groups, but I am focusing on my problems because I am a narcissist and this is my blog). I can’t sleep on those stressful nights without my little tasty CBD friends.
6. The Aliens Are Here and They Are Going to Destroy Our Planet
If you don’t believe in aliens, good for you. However, they’re real. Also, humans are assholes. So, if we piss them off what happens? You know we will piss them off!!!! I can’t fix this reality. So I just got chill out with my favorite gummy bears and pop a Sunday Scaries.
When I die, I’m not going to give a shit. It’s like blacking out, you don’t even know you’re doing it. You just take that last well tequila shot and……. before you know it…… you wake up on your friend’s couch wondering what happened and where’s your debit card. We cannot spend our lives worrying about dying. What a waste. What if you spent your whole night stressed about blacking out. Just let it be. When I get all existential, I got to hit up my friends. And by friends, I mean those little gummy bears that never let me down. SUNDAY SCARIES BITCH.
Chill out. Okay? We made it through covid and puberty. I think we can all just have some fun and peace of mind. If you get stressed, treat yourself.
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Take the Sunday Scaries CBD Gummies and chill out before you stress out all your friends.