What makes a frat house a frat house? This is a question without an easy answer. After all, how many beer spoiled couches does it take to make a home feel homey? Sure, you love your house no matter how shitty or incredible it is, but there’s always room for improvement.
Well, we decided to highlight a few affordable items that can improve your housing situation as you gear up for fall rush. They range from simple party accessories to must-have symbols of our nation’s dominance. You should probably just buy them all.
American Flag (3 x 5 Polyester Flag) — $5.99
What’s better than flying your fraternity’s flag high? Flying your fraternity’s flag right below Old Glory. Make a pledge wave that shit at your next party or tailgate. Hell, make a pledge sprint around campus waving it all day. Someone has to be the designated pledge of allegiance anyway. If you don’t have an American flag flying outside your house, you’re a communist.
Beer Pong Balls (144/pk) — $7.32
How many beer pong balls have you lost in your lifetime? Hundreds? Thousands? This pack of 144 will keep you stocked for days, maybe even weeks.
Hefty Easy Grip Everyday Cups, 600 ct. — $41.66
Let’s do a little math here: each cup is costing you 7 cents. Your treasurer will be stumbling over himself trying to hand you the fraternity card to buy a few of these puppies. He’ll be thanking you for allowing him to allocate more of the budget toward alcohol. More alcohol and more Solo cups is a win-win for everybody.
Lifetime 4 Foot Adjustable Folding Table — $37.52
In keeping with the beer pong theme, we now have balls and cups — all that’s missing is the actual table. The table is an essential part of the game. Now, hopefully you have at least one really nice, solid table to play beer pong on, but you can alway use a transportable table as well. These fuckers can be used for activities other than beer pong as well, like chapter meetings, or required pledge study hall, or fucking. It’s a versatile, yet necessary piece of equipment for the house.
Par Three Putting Green (3×9 Feet) — $32.45
What better way to kill some time than practicing the ol’ short game? Just like your old man has one in his corner office, the house needs one of these in the leisure room.
18-Piece Stainless-Steel Barbecue Set — $21.98
Fall means a few things: rush, football season, and, more importantly, tailgate season. With the arrival of tailgate season comes the need for showing off your skills as a grill master. Assert dominance over the rest of the tailgates by grilling top notch meats. You’re going to need some tools to do that. These are those tools.
Dart Game Set With 6 Darts and Board — $18.99
This one is a staple for any house. Your father played darts at the house, your grandfather played darts at the house, and your grandfather used a pledge’s back as a dartboard back in the day. Unfortunately, you can’t get away with the same shit great gramps could, so you’re gonna need an actual board. Cop this, and enjoy.
Slip-N-Slide — $19.39
You ever seen someone not have fun on a slip ‘n slide? The answer is no. Bitches in bikinis with their boobs flopping all over the place while they hurl down the lube-soaked runway at a sexual speed — that’s a good fucking time right there. Buy two, and double the titties.
Durex Fishbowl Of Assorterd Condoms (144 ct.) — $30.49
There are going to be a lot of loose morals in this year’s freshman class, as is the case every year. You need fucking condoms, because having kids, or an STD, would suck a fat one. End of sales pitch.
Six Person Beer Bong — $54.36
It’s natural that when you see someone doing a beer bong, you too want a beer bong. Suddenly, there’s a line around the block, and some of the more violent alcoholics are getting violent. A good way to combat this issue is by just getting a few bongs that can allow six folks to race at one time. This is also a good way to assert dominance over multiple people at one time.
55 Gallon Keg Of Lube
Because why the fuck not?
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