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100 Things That Prove God Exists (In No Particular Order)

I’m no man of faith, but I believe there’s something greater than us out there. It has nothing to do with heaven or hell or any of that nonsense. It has everything to do with the following:

1. Breasts

2. NFL Football

3. Beer

4. Sex

5. RedZone

6. Orgasms

7. Moneyball starring Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill

8. MLB Opening Day

9. Cheeseburgers

10. “Cheeseburger in Paradise” by Jimmy Buffet

11. Bacon Cheeseburgers

12. Bacon

13. Bacon wrapped foods

14. Bacon on any kind of sandwich

15. Sandwiches

16. Wraps

17. Hot Dogs

18. Most food served in or between bread

19. Internet Porn

20. Free Internet Porn

21. Oculus VR

22. Porn Made to Watch on an Oculus VR

23. Free Porn Made to Watch on an Oculus VR

24. Female Butts

25. The Air Fryer

26. The Ability to Deep Fry Food

27. Deep Fried Food

28. Streaming Services

29. People that let you use their streaming services without charging you

30. Blowjobs

31. Golf

32. Video Games

33. Playoff Baseball

34. Baseball

35. Spotify

36. Parents that pay for Spotify

37. Diner food

38. Diners

39. Milk shakes

40. Ice Cream

41. Frozen Yogurt

42. The NBA

43. Stand-up Comedy

44. Central Air Conditioning

45. Masturbation

46. Dogs

47. The Sopranos

48. Wedding Receptions

49. Open Bars

50. Wedding Receptions with Open Bars

51. Gambling

52. Sports Betting

53. The City of Las Vegas

54. Thanksgiving

55. Morning Poops

56. Movies

57. Television shows

58. The scene from We’re The Millers where Jennifer Aniston does that sexy dance in her underwear

59. Sleep

60. Bruce Springsteen

61. Dollar Dog Nights

62. One-Wipe Poops

63. Tailgating

64. Concerts

65. Flat Screen TVs

66. Venmo

67. The Refrigerator

68. Ice Makers

69. The Sex Position “69”

70. The word “foliage”

71. iPhones

72. YouTube

73. Uber

74. Bluetooth headphones

75. Guitars

76. The Electric Guitar

77. The electric guitar solo in “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd

78. “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd

79. Lynyrd Skynyrd

80. The drum solo from “In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins

81. Phil Collins’ creation of the Tarzan soundtrack

82. Swords

83. All you can eat buffets

84. “That’s what she said”

85. The Microwave

87. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition I Got to Look at in 5th Grade

88. College Football

89. People with silly last names (Wang, Butts, Johnson, Beavers)

90. Two-ply toilet paper

91. Nick Castellanos hitting a homerun during Thom Brennaman’s apology for using an anti-gay slur

92. Cheese

93. Melted cheese

94. Cheese sauce

95. Pocket knives

96. Music

97. The male middle school lunch table

98. Bench clearing brawls

99. Day drinking

100. Me. I often feel as though I am God’s gift to the human race.

So, yeah. Explain that, atheists.

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Written by TFM

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