After a brief hiatus, I’m back. I haven’t blogged in four days, and sitting down to write this feels like a sore dick – you can’t beat it. The reason for the four days I didn’t blog? Moving into my house. And you know what? It fucking sucked. So for any of you lucky fucks who haven’t yet had to endure the literal hell that is moving into a new house, keep these things in mind:
1. When everyone is talking about what to bring, stay silent
I happened to be at work for the majority of the conversations that took place about who was bringing couches, silverware, and other stuff, so I missed out on the opportunity to contribute in that sense. I suggest you do the same. It’s a bit of a scumbag move, but it’s way easier than going out and getting a bunch of pots and pans.
2. Don’t be the first one to move in
One of my roommates lived in our house all summer, so I was sort of the first one to move in. I had to lug all my shit in, and since my roommate was at work, it was just me and pops getting shit done. Each of my other roommates had the luck of other people already being there, and it’s difficult to tell your friends to fuck off and do it themselves when there are parents around. So, if you have the option, move in last. All your roommates will help you bring your stuff in, and you probably won’t even have to break a sweat doing it.
3. Try desperately to find furniture that has already been put together/keep stuff from previous tenants
I didn’t follow the first piece of advice, but this second one I hit on the freaking nose. I just spent two hours putting together a bedframe from Wayfair for my roommate, and let me tell you it was one of the most frustrating jobs I’ve ever done. Whether it’s Wayfair, Ikea, or some other place like that, you will undoubtedly have to spend fifteen minutes at least identifying each piece of whatever furniture you’re construction because they do a dog shit job of labeling them. So, if you have the option, do what I did: bring already built furniture and keep stuff from the person who’s moving out if they decide they don’t need it. Dealing with a million tiny fucking pieces and screws and all that just blows cock.