30 Lies Guys Tell in College

1.Hey, sorry, I got a new phone, who is this?
I didn’t get a new phone, I just don’t know who the fuck you are.

2. Of course I remember your name!
Let me introduce you to my friend real quick…just to remind myself.

3. I’m not that drunk.
I always walk with a slight stumbling lean to the left!

4. I’m trying to take it easy tonight.
I’m very susceptible to peer pressure tonight.

5. Pledging isn’t that hard.
…it won’t be hard for me at least.

6. I think I studied enough for this exam.
My desire to drink has overcome my desire to get a good grade.

7. We are a strictly non-hazing fraternity.
We are going to completely dominate your pathetic little souls.

8. No one will make fun of you if you go home with that fat girl.
At least not until tomorrow.

9. No, Mom, I haven’t been drinking that much.
I’ve been sober for three whole hours!

10. She’s got a great personality.
She’s fucking busted.

11. I could have taken her down, but I wasn’t feeling it.
I can’t close.

12. I’m not going to miss my early class tomorrow.
I will spend 7 seconds tomorrow morning considering going to class, before I fall back asleep.

13. No, I don’t mind wearing a condom.
Do you want me to finger you wearing a glove too?

14. Hey, Dad, could you send me some money for textbooks?
I can no longer afford my growing cocaine addiction.

15. I’m going to try to actually remember the football game this weekend.
I will be shirtlessly trashing opposing fans halfway through the first quarter as I chug smuggled in whiskey.

16. Maybe I’ll just go out for a little while.
I’ll have a few shots, and forget about why I didn’t want to stay.

17. You have really pretty eyes.
You have fantastic tits.

18. Do you want to dance?
Mind if I sort-of rhythmically slap my dick against you for 20 minutes?

19. Hey…Long time no see.
Last time I saw you, you were naked.

20. Wanna hang out?
Want to get naked?

21. Let’s take shots in my room.
Let’s get naked in my room.

22. We could just go home and watch a movie?
We could just go home and get naked?

23. It’s no big deal that you haven’t shaved down there lately.
It’s a huge deal, and it feels like I’m fucking a belt-sander.

24. Come on…just the tip.
At least until I slip the rest in.

25. That was one of the best blowjobs I’ve ever gotten.
That was an above average blowjob and I would love for you to give me another sometime soon.

26. I care about what you think.
As long as it eventually leads to us getting naked.

27. I would never have sex with your pledge sister.
…again. She was terrible.

28. It’s not you, it’s me.
It’s you.

29. Of course we’re exclusive.
Tonight, at least. Who knows who I’ll be exclusive with tomorrow.

30. I like that dress.
I like your ass/tits/waist/hips/vagina in that dress, when can I take it off you?

Written by Malcolm Henry

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