How Exciting It Must Be To Have A Baby In An Interacial Relationship:
Interracial relationships are a funny thing. Suppose a boomer sees a white lady passing her black husband cereal in a Cheerios commercial. In that case, they go full Budd Dwyer exploded brain, but then there are also many cringy white people who have Sandra Bullock syndrome and treat their social media feed like they’re in The Blind Side. Today I was walking down the street, and I saw two very good-looking people of different races out to brunch, and the woman was pregnant. My first thought was, “holy shit, how fucking exciting is that day going to be?” Not because they will bring life into the crumbling world empire that is the United States, but because they have no idea what they are going to get. Is it going to be an Obama situation or a little bit more of the Shaun King? Will the baby go on a jog in Greenwich, Connecticut, and turn some heads, or will the baby go full Logic and have to explain that they are half black three minutes into every interview?
Where Do All The Flicked Boogers Go:
I would never pick my nose in public, but it’s common knowledge that you can go full Chilean miner with your finger in the privacy of one’s own home/ car. Every Sunday morning, I sit there with a sticky stomach and wonder where the booger I just flicked will end up? I never see them in the wild. I feel like it’s one of those things like girls pooping where boogers are definitely still there, but I have no proof.
How Bad Music Was in 2017:
We agree that 2016 was a fantastic summer where the best music and the most obscure jerseys purchased from Aliexpress were at play. But nobody talks about how bad the follow-up year was. I would sit in my car on the way to school listening to a guy mumble “D-Rose” off a bean with a trap beat blaring and be like, “yeah, this is good stuff.” I have a theory that 2017 era SoundCloud music is why podcasts got popular because listening to the lyrics “I don’t want friends I want Audis” was terrible if you weren’t in the back of an Uber on your way to a pregame. Doja Cat could fart on a mic, autotune the shit out of it, and I would still say that it’s objectively better than my SoundCloud playlist from 2017.
Gritting Your Teeth When You See A Cute Dog:
Alright, maybe I’m coming out of the closet as a sociopath here, but every time my Dog, who long-time followers know as Candice Owens…it’s a whole big thing, looks up at me in a cute way, I want to hug her until she explodes. I never would, and I’ve never hurt beyond accidentally stepping on a paw a time or two, but it’s strange. Whenever an animal is doing something adorable, and I’ve talked to more than one person who unintentionally does this as well, I grit my teeth the same way I would when someone talks shit on Wawa.