5 Awkward Guys You Meet During Rush

You can’t avoid awkwardness during rush. With all of the absurd boozing and sketchy creeping comes the awkwardness of dealing with random rushees. It’s a package deal.

1. Guy That Obviously Doesn’t Fit In

Doesnt Fit in

This guy is often a major problem because he might scare off other rushees. If they see some kid rocking cargos and a deep V, they may wonder what the fuck kind of operation you’re running. You can always just tell him to leave, but there will likely be some awkwardness there. Telling someone they have to leave because they’re dressed like an eighth grader is uncomfortable. You have the option of leaving him around just to give you something to make fun of with other rushees when you run out of generic talking points. $500 says he takes a little trip to the Polo outlet before the next rush party.

2. Guy Who Shows Up Despite Not Being Invited

Invite night is terrible for everyone. It’s literally a bunch of dudes attempting to have sober conversations with each other. Every year there’s one rushee who literally didn’t get the memo, yet somehow found out about it. He’ll drive by and see a bunch of well-dressed guys having super generic conversations and then run home to put on a vertical striped button down. When he shows up, someone is going to have to let him know it’s invite only and that will undoubtedly lead to a terribly awkward situation. You may as well say, “Hey man, we don’t like you.”

3. Dead Fish Handshake Guy

What the fuck? How do you not realize you have a shitty handshake? Surely someone would have told you by now. Fuck.

4. Legacy Who Isn’t Getting a Bid

Overly cocky legacies are a part of rush. Sometimes they do enough to slip through the cracks, but every now and then you have to ball one just to send a message. Once he realizes he’s not getting a bid, you have no more than 2 hours to prepare for the phone call from his dad. That’s not a fun phone call. You’ll hear a lot of empty threats about how you’ve just burned a bridge with the alumni, but this rarely amounts to anything major.

5. Kid Who Doesn’t Know How To Pace Himself

Getting a rushee hammered is part of the game. Sometimes, this can lead to disastrous consequences unless proper precautions are taken. Every year, there’s some kid who gets Randy Travis wasted and tries to leave on his own. If you let him leave, he’ll undoubtedly get a DUI, or a PI, or will be indicted for vehicular manslaughter by week’s end. This all falls back on the chapter, as you were providing this 18-year-old turd with booze. You need to find one of your chapter groupies to drive him home, tuck him into bed, and possibly play with his noodle (if he’s blue chip)..

Note: this article is from the archives, originally published Spet. 6, 2012

Written by Malcolm Henry

To comment, fill out your name and email below.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Japan Doesn’t Want Olympians To Fuck

Sororities: Be The Biggest Problem Ever