5 Professional Athletes I Could Beat In A Fight

I’m sure everyone has seen the infamous Ramírez vs Anderson fight from this weekend. If you live under a rock, here’s what you missed.

Basically, White Sox shortstop Tim Anderson thought he was him for a second, until José Ramírez knocked him out cold and left him stumbling away.

Well, this is probably the greatest fight to ever happen in the middle of an MLB game (Odor vs Bautista a close second). Anyway, it got me thinking. Clearly, Anderson isn’t the fighter he thought he was. So, maybe there are other pro athletes out there that can’t take a punch. That led me to this blog: what professional athletes could I possibly beat in a fight?

For reference, I am a 5’10 Jew standing around 170lbs. Despite never being in actual “street fight,” I did grow up with two older brothers so I have been in my fair share of skirmishes. Would I consider myself a good fighter? Not at all. However, there are definitely some pansy athletes that even I could knockout (or win by decision). Here are five athletes I could beat in a fight.

Willie Mays

The Hall of Fame center fielder may be part of the 3,000 hit club and have 24 all-star game appearances, but I am beyond confident that I could knock the San Francisco Giants’ great out in one punch. Now, in his prime there is absolutely no chance I would win this fight. Mays is listed as 5’11 and 180lbs. Aside from having a slight size advantage on me, he is also a world class athlete. However, Mays is currently 92 years old. If we fought today, I’m probably going to prison for manslaughter. I assume Willie is closer to 5’5 than 5’11 nowadays and probably looks like a raisin. I could squash a raisin with two fingers. Take the under.

Lance Armstrong

I will say that out of all five athletes on this list, Lance Armstrong would put up the best fight. Armstrong weighs in at 165lbs and is the same height as me. In terms of matchup, it’s honestly a pretty fair fight. However, whereas I am 22 years old, Lance is a 51-year-old former steroid user with one testicle. This man needed to use steroids just to ride a bike. No chance he’d be able to fight without some sort of PEDs. Plus, he only has one testicle. I don’t know how exactly I’ll use that to my advantage, but I’ll think of something come fight time. 

Megan Rapinoe

Speaking of not having testicles, I am certain that I’d lay out Megan Rapinoe if we got into the octagon. Before everyone comes at me for suggesting I’d hit a woman, no I wouldn’t. Unless it was Megan Rapinoe. Hear me out. For decades now, Rapinoe has been pushing for women’s equality in sports. She is beyond just a feminist at this point. Rapinoe believes that women and men should be treated and paid the exact same when it comes to athletics. So, let us put that to the test. Rapinoe weighs in at 132lbs and stands at 5’6, so she is definitely undersized. That said, she is definitely in better shape than me. Nevertheless, I think a first round KO is free money. Maybe that will finally stop her from laughing.

Lin Shidong

If you are unfamiliar with Lin Shidong, he is currently ranked 12th overall in men’s table tennis in the entire world. Hailing from Dazhou, China, Lin is rising on the International Table Tennis Circuit at the young age of 18. While Lin is proving to be an exceptional ping pong player, he has never proved himself in a physical altercation. Though his right hand is said to be lethal and dominant, I think that only applies to the ping pong table. At 5’6, Lin doesn’t stand a chance against me. He may have better hand-eye coordination, but I’ll take reach and Americanized aggression over sight any day of the week.

Micro Jackson

(Photo from The Micro Wrestling Federation)

Don’t let his dance moves or red leather jacket fool you, Micro Jackson is 100% a professional athlete. If you don’t know who he is, you need to start watching the Micro Wrestling Federation. What is the MWF? Just the greatest sports organization in the world. Yes, it is little people wrestling. But trust me, there is nothing little about the talent within this sport. Micro Jackson may impersonate the late Michael Jackson, but that doesn’t mean he can’t fight. Weighing in at 78lbs of pure fury, Micro Jackson has become a star of the MWF. However, I am sure our fight would last no more than 30 seconds. Good thing Micro Jackson can moonwalk because one hit is gonna send him to a whole other universe.

Alex Becker

Written by Alex Becker

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