Once again, I’m writing to ask that cancel culture be beneficial to me once in a while. Since the last one of these was “sexist” because I did four women and only two men, I’ll split this one right down the middle at three and three, but I need my #wokewarriors to dig up some dirt on these people.
6. Justin Bieber
I would be telling one of the biggest lies I’ve ever told if I said I don’t genuinely enjoy Justin Bieber’s music, but with that being said, I think the best of his career is behind him. Because of that, I would be more than happy to see him cancelled. I find him to be one of the most annoying people on the face of the earth, so him out of the spotlight means “Baby” and “Never Say Never” can get blasted all summer long without ever having to hear from him again. And honestly, it shouldn’t be too hard to cancel him. He does have two documented instances of saying the n-word.
5. Gal Gadot
If you somehow never saw the “Imagine” video, count your blessings. Not only did she taint one of my favorite songs forever, but she showed just how little celebrities understand what’s happening in the real world by implying that “we’re all going to get through COVID together.” So, while we all were stuck inside eating and jerking five times a day, Gadot and the rest of those fuckers in the videos sat by their pools and had lobster tail. Maybe not exactly that. They did rich people stuff, though. To make matters worse, she included people in the video that I genuinely love as actors. Thanks for ruining all that, Gal, and you’re a shitty Wonder Woman, too.
4. Bryce Hall
I say Bryce Hall here because he’s the one that’s all over the internet these days for not being able to handle his precious hat being stolen, but in reality, I’d be happy if any of those types of TikTokers got cancelled. Am I jealous that their lives are super easy, and they are really rich? Absolutely. But I also find them absolutely impossible to even look at. I hate them all at a cellular level. Fuck you, Bryce Hall and friends.
3. Chrissy Teigen
I find her so ridiculously annoying. I’m pretty sure there was actually a movement to cancel her not to long ago because of something she tweeted at someone – something like that – but that’s not why I want her cancelled. She’s the prime example of what is wrong with famous people. Look, I know celebrities can have problems too, and I don’t want to make light of that. The thing is, though, that problems are way easier to deal with when you have millions and millions of dollars. And Chrissy Teigen seems to think that she is “relatable” to everyone out there, when she is, in fact, not.
2. LeBron James
LeBitch. I truly didn’t hate this guy before this NBA season, but watching him complain about every single little thing that went wrong for him cemented him as the absolute biggest douche in the NBA. “I was seeing three rims,” – get the fuck out of here. The easiest argument on why he sucks is the one that’s been all over Instagram: Jordan and Kobe always acted like they weren’t hurt, and LePussy does the exact opposite. The man is talented, sure, but if I wanted to watch a really talented guy roll around on the ground after getting barely fucking touched, I’d watch Cristiano Ronaldo and Juventus.
1. Amy Schumer
Not funny. Never has been funny. Never will be funny. She’s annoying, in your face, and I’d rather have Floyd Mayweather use my nuts as a speed bag than watch anything with her in it. Ever. I’m sure this may seem drastic, but there are very few people who I hate looking at, listening to, or thinking about more than Amy Schumer. She is the worst.