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6 Things No One Tells You Before College

Just because you have more time doesn’t mean you will be less tired

Somehow for four years in high school, I got up at 6:30am, went to school, was in class until 2:30pm, went to practice, went home, did two hours of homework, and then played video games or watched TV until around midnight. As tired as I was every day waking up to go to school, I can honestly say that I am consistently more tired at college than I ever was in high school.

Girls don’t actually make out all the time (unfortunately)

I’m not going to say I was expecting this to be a thing, but in every college movie ever made there’s always some fun girl on girl action happening. I thought – I guess, I hoped – that would end up being closer to the truth than it actually is. It’s actually quite far. I think I’ve seen it happen once. Huge let down.

Laundry is probably the most annoying thing of all time

My mom did about 99.9% of my laundry growing up, but on the few occasions I had to run my own stuff through the washer and dryer, I really didn’t mind it. Laundry was not something I thought I was going to hate as much as I do. But now once a week, I dig around my room looking for quarters, inevitably end up borrowing some from my roommates, and spend the next three hours walking back and forth to check on my laundry. I’m almost a full semester into living in my house, and I still can’t figure out the fucking timing on the washer and dryer. Laundry’s not bad when it’s in your basement at home and it’s free. Laundry at college blows cock.

Some professors are incompetent

I kind of always thought that college would be filled with nice professors who really knew how to teach. Obviously I knew there would be some duds mixed in, but there are way more duds than anybody ever warns you about. And they’re not just boring. They’re not just bad at teaching. There are some real assholes that get jobs teaching at universities.

Residence Life IS out to get you

Don’t let anybody being nice and friendly in your orientation week fool you. Every college’s residence life staff, for the most part, made up of a bunch of dicks. The RAs are whatever. There are good ones and bad ones. But the Resident Directors and all those people? They’re just bubbling with semen thinking about catching you with an empty Bud Light can in your room. It’s what they live for because most of them are sad, pathetic thirty-year-old disappointments who coat the fact that they have one of the most pointless jobs ever by saying, “I love to work with first year students as they get acclimated to college life!” Don’t trust those snakes for a fucking second.

You will look at your bank account and wonder where the money is going all the time

Seriously, like almost on a daily basis. There’s no answer to the question because it never feels like you’re spending that much. But it will happen without a doubt.

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Written by TFM

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