I’ve become shamelessly addicted to golf. It’s become pretty much my favorite thing in life that doesn’t involve me putting in AirPods and grabbing a box of tissues. I started playing two summers ago, but I only really got into it last summer (one of the only good things to come out of the pandy-wandy). Since then, I don’t know if I’ve gone more than 45 minutes being awake without wishing I didn’t suck so bad. Enough about the fact that I probably have stronger feelings for golf than I ever did for my ex-girlfriend, though, I want to tell you why you should get out there and start hacking up your local public course.
1. It’s 4 hours with your boys
No matter how badly you suck, you can still enjoy the fact that in golf, you’re spending a shit load of time riding around in a golf cart with your boys. Grab some beers, and all of a sudden: boom, you’ve got a great little day drinking outing if you’re so inclined. Even sober, though, going out with the fellas uninterrupted is a great time to just fuck around and have some laughs.
2. You get to take absolute daddy-hacks
If I were intelligent, I’d slow down my swing and play smart and all that good golfer bullshit. I’m not though. Instead, I walk up to the tee box and try to drive the green on every hole I can, and when once every five times I end up hitting a drive 350 down the cock, it’s a real sexy feeling. There’re very few other sports where no one is stopping you from doing what you’re doing, so going golfing can be a great way to get out and rip some absolute cock shots regardless of whether you hit a fairway or not.
3. You get to look drippy as fuck
Golf steez goes so hard. If you think otherwise, you’re kidding yourself.
4. Eventually you’ll be able to take a “golf trip”
This will be huge when you’re eventually married and have kids and all that bullshit. A few days to a week away where you’re “playing golf.” I plan to use this as a yearly vacation with my boys, and golf will be a fun part of that vacation.
5. All you have to do is be better than your friends
It’s pretty simple: get better than your friends, chirp them, bet them, win money off of them. Then you begin living rent free in a beach front time share in their heads.
6. It’s kind of productive
You go outside for 4 hours and walk around swinging a club? That’s basically exercise. And exercise means that you have been productive for the day. You know what golf is? Way more fun that running or going to the gym, so you pick that up you can pretend like you’re doing something worthwhile. It’s beautiful.
7. Sex jokes galore
Shaft, head, holes, strokes, balls – what more do you need?