A Spring Break For the Books

MIAMI - DECEMBER 15: Trooper David Casillas, from the Florida Highway Patrol, arrests a driver for driving under the influence after a field sobriety test at a DUI checkpoint December 15, 2006 in Miami, Florida. The city of Miami, with the help of other police departments, will be conducting saturation patrols and setting up checkpoints during the holiday period looking to apprehend drivers for impaired driving and other traffic violations. (Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images)

This story takes place last spring break. Because my school is boring as shit, the boys and I were itching to get the fuck out. So, 4 of my boys and I hop in a trusty ol’ Nissan Altima and mob 8 hours down to San Diego. As we arrived at the air bnb we rented, we soon realized that there wasn’t enough room for all of us to sleep. So we argued about who was getting what bed and who was sleeping on the tile for probably an hour and we came to no resolution. Then I said, “fuck it we’ll figure it out when it comes to nighttime, but for now…. let’s get faded.” And of course, everyone was on board with that. So we mobbed over to pacific beach and got these kick-ass marg’s right on the water. We got really fucked up and thank god one of our homies is sober now, because I could guarantee you that another argument was going to fire up. One of our homies had recently taken a spill trying to swing like Tarzan from a chandelier when he was completely blacked out. He cracked his skull and ended up going deaf in his ear and easily could have died. So he was the designated driver for the entire trip, which we loved and he absolutely did not.

So we made a pit stop at the liquor store to pick up some goody’s to bring back to the pad and we kept boozing. Me and my buddy, Jered, who weren’t 21 had to stay in while the other 3 boys hit the clubs and bars in downtown San Diego. We got pieced up while they were gone. We each deleted a 12 pack of white claws and had the brilliant idea to kill the rest of the Tito’s and Casamigos that was left. What actually was great about this is was we were able to choose our sleeping arrangements before the old pricks got back. In the morning Colin, one of the older guys, wanted bottomless mimosas. Me and Jered were still drunk and thought that was an awesome idea. So, we found a nice spot 5 minutes from the pad and we got a table. Now Jered had a fake I.D., but was too scared to use it for the bars the night prior. But, he thought it was good to use it at the breakfast place. The 3 boys commenced in suck down and each deleted as many mimosas they could before the place kicked us out for being too loud and obnoxious. As we are mobbing the beach, Jered is being an absolute dick bag to everyone. Cussing all of us out and being a damn menace. We finally tell him to shut up, but that only made things worse. He starts raging and throwing fists at all of us and then I wrap my lengthy ass arms around him and calm him down. I sit his ass on the curb so we could unload all of our stuff out of the car. And of course, he is still chirping his ass off.

As we get to the beach we notice some other guys playing beer dye and we try and hop on the table. Me and Colin hop on the table and start kicking ass. After 3 games go by, we realize Jered has completely disappeared. Me and Colin hop off table and start looking for him. As we are spamming his phone, we look at his location we see he’s in the car. So I go out to the car and I find nothing except his phone. Now we are starting to worry. We are walking up and down the beach and the sidewalk trying to find him and we aren’t finding shit. After all this searching we see that its been about 4 hours since we’ve seen him last. We start assuming the best and we hope that he some how made it back to the air bnb. And as a matter a fact, he is somehow tucked in bed sound asleep. He told us that he got picked up by cops and got brought to this gymnasium that was being used as a drunk tank and had to sleep on these wrestling mats. As a former wrestler, if they weren’t cleaned I know for a fact that man got ring worm or some type of foul bacteria on him, but he definitely deserved it. When he got released he walked his ass all the way back to the pad and, because he had no key, he had to scale up the side of the apartment and crawl in through the window to get in. After he was done explaining what happened, we all beat the living day lights out of him for being such a douche bag earlier and for worrying us to death. If you are ever on spring break and drink too much, don’t wonder off and not tell anyone!

Written by Danny Serrano

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