Oh boy, this one’s a doozy. I don’t know exactly what a doozy is, but maybe literally. During a recent performance from the Los Angeles Philharmonic, a woman in the audience had an incredibly loud orgasm. Like the kind of yelp that your dog lets out when you step on its paw. Seriously, I know that most of us are used to putting our volume all the way down when playing a video of a woman having a loud moan, but put your phone on full blast for this one, because it’s a gift to us from the internet.
I mean how good was the Philharmonic, really? To me, all classical music sounds like the same boring noises, but these guys must’ve really been locked in to get a reaction like that. If a comedian gauges their performance off of laughs, musicians should start judging themselves off of how many people they make climax. I’ve been to many concerts, but not once did I ever get an audio happy ending. I once went to a Bruce Springsteen concert with my dad, and there was a brief moment during Born to Run that I thought he might finish. But if he did, he at least had the dignity to do it silently.
What I think the biggest shame about this is the fact that the crowd brought in by the LA Philharmonic is not the crowd that would appreciate this happening as the all-time hilarious event that it is. The fact that this is followed up by anything other than thunderous laughter is a crime. What if the band played into it? The drummer could’ve immediately stopped what he was doing to play the Pornhub theme song. Or imagine if one of the violinists stopped what they were doing and said, “you can leave the money on the bedside table.” Or if the conductor singled her out like JK Simmons in Whiplash and told her, “Not quite my tempo.” Absolutely hilarious.
I think the band should be cemented into history as the people who changed music forever. I don’t think I’ll ever get intimate with a woman to another song. Why should I work hard to please a woman when the Los Angeles Philharmonic has already found out the formula to do exactly that. I hope these musical heroes step up to take the credit they deserve. I’d like to shake their hand. And I know there’s one woman who probably would like a cuddle and a nap with them right about now.
