You know how mobsters in movies always say, “You got a lot of balls…”? Well, who knew they meant it so literally? The month after Robert DeNiro brought his seventh child into the world, eighty-three-year-old Al Pacino just announced that he is also expecting a child. When it was just DeNiro, this was a fun, unexpected story. Now that Pacino did the same thing immediately after, I think there was a plan between the two. If you hadn’t heard about DeNiro’s baby, you can click on the link underneath, because that is a doozy of its own.
Clearly these guys wanted to leave some mark on the world in their elder years. Maybe Martin Scorses approached the two of them about making a Goodfellas remake in a preschool, and DeNiro and Pacino took care of the casting themselves. Maybe these two decided that they could have their children marry each other to create the most talented superfamily of all time. Sure, they will never meet their grandchildren, as they will be 150 years younger than them. But I think these two felt the need to take the future of acting into their own hands, and decided their balls had one last run in them.
I love the fact that these guys are still using their names to get laid at the age that most people begin living in a retirement home. I’ve seen Parks and Recreation enough times to know that old people still like to bang each other, but the sexual performances they’ve recently given might be more impressive than anything they’ve done on screen. DeNiro hasn’t slowed down in any facet of his life. At this point, he might live to 120, and he’ll probably make movies until he dies. Pacino on the other hand, very much looks his age. The woman he just knocked up is twenty-nine years old, and he couldn’t care less. Both of these guys make being elderly look awesome.
I want to see both of these guys filming TikToks with their children in eight years. If they are going to commit to living the lives of someone thirty years younger than them, I’d like to see them do all of the stereotypical dad stuff on the internet. Even if means they have to hit the renegade dance with a walker.