It’s almost time for everyone to become obsessed with the United States Women’s Soccer Team. America is one of the biggest countries in the world that allows girls to play sports. As a result these World Cups are the only time America gets to claim relevance in the soccer community. Alex Morgan is joining the team for her fourth World Cup, and she just started the team’s marketing push for the tournament. Yesterday, she posted lingerie pictures on Instagram from a recent Calvin Klein photoshoot.
I’m an avid hater of soccer, not futbol. The sport the rest of the world plays is soccer. If they don’t like it, they can try winning a World War every now and then. I will give credit to the United States’ Women’s National team though. The energy they bring to the country feels like a middle school pep rally day. I just wish they played a more interesting sport. If you think they get support now, imagine if they played something interesting, like basketball, tennis, or even Fifa. I know I’d be more interested.
Despite soccer being a waste of time, money, athleticism, and tradition, Alex Morgan is making me open my mind to the game. I still have no interest in sitting through eighty minutes of a 0-0 match. But at least now I can go to the bathroom and look at a picture of Alex Morgan while my friends watch.
This was an incredibly smart move by Morgan. I think it would be wise for the rest of her teammates to follow suit. I’m not familiar with the current state of their roster. But Zach Ertz’s wife was on the team for a few World Cup runs, and she would look just as good in just as little. I’m sure more hard-core soccer fans and self-pleasure champions could tell you about the state of the roster in more detail. Either way, get hype. America’s most beautiful group of athletes is back, and ready to take their clothes off.
