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America’s Four Greatest Grifters

Robin DiAngelo:

When Black people finally had a voice in this country because the entire population was locked inside, Robin DiAngelo, a white woman, left June 2020 a star. In tribute to Kanye West taking the microphone from Taylor Swift at the 2009 VMAs, Robin DiAngelo snatched that metaphorical microphone from the black community faster than ’08 Rondo guarding a crossover- it takes a special kind of grifter to do that. She claims to donate 15% of her income to racial justice organizations led by BIPOC people. Meaning of her net worth which is estimated to be between 1.5-5 million dollars, she keeps 85% of the money she makes selling books about how every single white person is a product of supremacy to lesbian dog groomers in Portland. 

Neil Young: 

In early 2021, Neil Young sold 50% of his music catalog to Hipgnosis records, which brought in just shy of 140 million in revenue last year. In October of 2021, the Blackstone Group, an alternative investment management company, invested 1 Billion dollars into Hipgnosis song management, giving them an ownership stake. This is funny because, in August of 2020, Blackstone appointed Jeffrey B. Kindler, former chairman and CEO of Pfizer, as their senior advisor. So, your psychopath cousin who keeps posting about Neil Young being a revolutionary for taking his catalog off Spotify because Joe Rogan, an alt-right psychopath who publicly endorsed Bernie Sanders, has no idea what they are talking about. Props to Neil, what a finesse. I haven’t heard that name since I made my Grandpa a playlist on iTunes, and now half the country thinks he’s a revolutionary. By the way, HE’S BACK ON SPOTIFY (I wrote this six days ago). 

Kyle Rittenhouse: 

Kyle Rittenhouse announced that he’s working on an NFT project about a week ago. Now, I truly believe that the kid was within his rights to do what he did, but I also think it’s important to acknowledge that somebody born the year Finding Nemo came out should’ve been on page 4 of the Hub and not walking around Kenosha thinking he was Rambo. Kyle Rittenhouse, like Neil Young, also has people in his ear telling him that this country is so divisive and stupid that he could make the annual income of a Best Buy employee dishing out NFTs. As a finessor, game respect game.

Kimberly Guilfoyle: 

I’d like to lead off by saying that watching this woman scream about school’s banning Huckleberry Finn turns me on. I like nothing more than an insanely cruel woman with robust features in her thirties berating me. I’m weird like that. People know her from Fox or from dating Don JR., but they forget that she was married to Gavin Newsome for five years. If Shiv from Succession was even hotter, she’d be Kimberly Guilfoyle. 

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