I don’t know about you guys, but I’ll admit it, I’m not a good enough person to follow the rules set up by cancel culture or care about who they are canceling anymore.
I remember when I was fourteen years old, the world changed. Before I entered high school, people got in trouble for reasonable reasons. Donald Sterling made disgusting comments about black people, Paula Dean slung the n-word around the kitchen, and Kramer lost his goddamn mind. I’m not saying the world was perfect; it wasn’t. White people got away with A LOT of shit. In many ways, the world still isn’t fair to people that don’t look like me. You can feel free to disagree with me at any time, but that’s my hard opinion. Cancel culture probably had good intentions. People needed to be held accountable for their actions, which is something that most of the human race has wanted since the beginning of time.
But then shit got out of hand. For every valid cancel, two cancels that were stretches at best followed, and an additional one that was utterly ridiculous. Just today, Twitter had four people trending trying to cancel them. It reminds me of when I was in middle school, and our guidance counselor gave us the classic digital footprint speech. If you have pictures of your underage drinking, doing drugs, or shooting guns, colleges will see that as a red flag. Guess what happened? Every single person I followed on Instagram began to post pictures of precisely that. It became oversaturated; no college admissions team was going to spend the time and energy hunting down every kid who posted a picture in a wet Tracy McGrady jersey holding a Busch Lite can.
I’m not registered with either political party. I hate nothing more than hearing somebody regurgitate unoriginal statistics and opinions that argue their parties point on an issue that they found on Twitter. I like having my own political opinion and sifting through different leaning media outlets to see where I stand on an issue. I quite literally have one Twitter account where I follow CNN, The New York Times, and ESPN. I also have one that follows Fox, Daily Caller, and Barstool Sports. If it bothers you that I lean left on many issues, you’re a huge pussy.
But I’m not afraid to admit what most people with my platform are: I’m not a good enough person to stop eating Chic-Fil-A. To gay people, sorry about that, but come to me when a restaurant with a rainbow flag can make me a spicy chicken sandwich in two minutes time. Louis CK? Fucking hilarious. Was I appalled when I heard about the things Matt Lauer, Harvey Shitstain, and co did? Yes, I was. But in the case of Louis CK, I didn’t care enough about what he did to stop allowing myself the ten minutes of happiness a clip from his set on YouTube will bring me on a day where I struggled to get out of bed that morning. The late Dr.Suess perpetuated racism in some of his lesser-known books? I’m sure if he wrote those very same books today, I’d think to myself, what a bigoted moron, but I know for sure ten years from now I won’t have enough “moral highground” to look through the whole children’s section of a bookstore, and not grab my kid the first copy of Green Eggs and Ham I see.
I know I’m not alone. I know if any reasonable person is reading this, you agree with me or at least see where I’m coming from. When June hit and sorority girls were trying to change the world one infographic at a time, I supported Black Lives Matter. Still, I wasn’t about to sacrifice my scarcity of time or money to read “8 Books Written By Black Authors To Make You Understand Racism.” You make that a Tik Tok? Maybe I’ll give it a watch…but read a book on something I don’t have to? No thanks.
The funny thing is, the last two sentences I just wrote are going to make a lot of people mad. You only feel that way because of your privilege. Okay, so you read all “8 Books Written By Black Authors To Make You Understand Racism?” Did you now? Give me a two-sentence synopsis on all this literature you ACTUALLY read instead of scrolling Twitter, and then I’ll let you think you’re a better person than I am. Everybody is a phony. I’m not saying I go around saying hateful things; I don’t do that. But when we think about things in our head, we don’t play by the rules of cancel culture. If I’m walking down the street and a girl has an aggressive cameltoe, I’m not saying anything, but my mind is just screaming PUSSY PUSSY PUSSY MOOSE KNUCKLE PUSSY.
I don’t care about people being canceled anymore. Unless it’s in the news cycle more than a seventy-two-hour period, the world decided it wasn’t that big of a deal anyway. I mean, Jesus Christ, Mark Whalberg has a whole Wikipedia column titled, “hate crimes,” but all the morons that spend their days being egocentric to their 200,000 Twitter followers just couldn’t stay away from Daddy’s Home 2.
If you’re going to be a psycho that reads through this looking for something I said out of context, and I’ll even speak your language here, g* f**k y***self y** du*b cun*.