Bobby D'Angelo
She wakes up to open her Tik Tok feed to several videos about Euphoria, one of which has the most accurate opinion about what transpired between Rue and Leslie the last episode, so she sends it to her best friend, whose Tik Tok name is something along the lines of Drakepleasepeeinmybutt and begins to stretch out. Similar to the way pet lizards require artificial heat to live, college girls need their rooms to be the temperature of puritan New England which they offset with a plethora of blankets and a sweatshirt. The only downside of this is that it’s increasingly difficult for them to get out of bed. But with strength, she throws on a different sweatshirt with a bubbled font on it, manifests an eighty-five on the test she has later today and looks in the mirror to remind herself that she’s in her King Kylie phase.
After igniting her stomach with something that’s going to make her want to shit her brains out, she heads to class-AirPods in, Olaplex bun on. The test wasn’t as hard as she expected it to be, but her friend who studied harder than her struggled, so she pretends that she too thought it was difficult. She goes to the library where she intended to study but ends up looking at bikinis after four minutes on a Quizlet made by some username called MysticKnight2987. As she’s deeper than a Chilean Miner in online shopping, she is approached by one of her guy friends who asks if he can sit next to her. She politely says yes, and they spend the next hour on and off talking about a mutual class while he vapes into his Patagonia.
When she gets back to her place, her roommate’s sorority sister that she doesn’t like is sitting by their kitchen ranting about fast fashion despite the fact that she is currently wearing eight-four hours of sweatshop labor and talking about how she wants Nate Jacobs to tie her up with the chord of your roommate’s air fryer. She does not like this girl, so she pretends to be busy, then goes into her room to facetime her Mom so she can see her dog. She texts her other roommate inquiring over whether or not the girl she doesn’t like is still larping around her kitchen, spreading the clap from a Sig Ep all over the kitchen counter. It’s been a long day, so she again hopes on Tik Tok to a video of a guy with a clearly broken nose explaining her day. That guy is me.
