the godfather
It’s currently 7:00 am and the sound of your painfully loud alarm clock makes you seriously consider dropping out of school entirely. In exactly one hour, you have a lecture for [insert random gen-ed here] that you promised not to skip. It’s been about a week and a half since you’ve last attended this lecture and the guilt of your parents paying for your education has finally caught up to you. Before you roll out of bed, you decide to scroll through TikTok for a bit, only to find yourself still laying under the blankets thirty minutes later. After the thirteenth thirst trap dance in a row, you finally snap out of the For You Page trance and head straight to your closet. You forgot to pick up laundry detergent at the store earlier this week so you’re running incredibly low on clean clothes, ultimately settling for a seven-year old pair of shorts and the cleanest hoodie you can find.
By the time you head out of your room, it’s already 7:43 am and you can either choose between eating breakfast and being late. Since your dinner the night prior consisted of two lukewarm Coors and week-old mac and cheese, you decide it’s probably more important to give your body some form of nourishment. So, you throw a stale bagel into the toaster and grab the least mushy apple in your fridge, ultimately eating half of your breakfast on the walk to class. By the time you get to your class building, it’s already 8:02 am and you still have seven flights of stairs to climb up. Quite literally running on fumes, you make it to the third set of stairs before tapping out and taking the elevator. Little did you know that the elevator would take an extra five minutes, landing you at your lecture hall at 8:11 am. You hope to stroll in unnoticed, but the thirty-year old door creaks louder than an Alpha Phi girl’s bed on a Friday night, alerting everyone to your presence. Luckily, your professor isn’t a complete jerk and refrains from calling you out as you slip into the back row and take out your laptop. As you slowly open your computer to ensure that no “adult film” tabs are still open from the night prior, you realize that you’re sitting next to the absolute smokeshow that you’ve been checking out during the three times you’ve actually attended the lecture this semester.
Your first instinct is to figure out a way to strike up a conversation with her, but then it occurs to you that you forgot to brush your teeth this morning. The musky odor from not showering is probably unattractive enough, so you decide to keep your mouth shut and try to lock into whatever your professor is rambling on about. By 8:23 am, you have completely passed out as a result of the incredibly dry content you attempted to pay attention to for the past ten minutes, ultimately confirming that you will never get with the girl sitting next to you under any situation and you’re absolutely screwed for your exam next week.
