in ,

An Open Letter to All Colleges in America

Dear Overpaid Assholes Who Make Decisions without Any Clue about What Actually Happens on College Campuses,

I hope you’ve all had a wonderful holiday season, blessed with expensive food and drink that you undoubtedly do not deserve. I assume you’ve realized by now that COVID is going around again faster than chlamydia from the girl that fucks every guy in the frat. I have a simple request in regard to this fact: don’t shut us down. I just got an email from my school saying that we’d be virtual for the first two weeks, which is fine. I can handle that. But let’s not have it go any further.

We don’t want to spend the next semester sitting behind Zoom screens and paying full tuition for a professor that’s going to use his recordings from last spring in place of actually teaching. Masks are the absolute worst, but I don’t mind wearing one in class because it means I don’t have to brush my teeth before I leave for classes. That and I actually still learn something if I have to wear it in class.

We don’t want to have to worry about the cops showing up to our parties because of your regulations. We’re legal adults, and we should be allowed to make the decisions of who we invite to drink in excess in our rented, run-down, over-priced, off-campus houses. 

We all had a year taken away from what is supposed to be the best four of our entire lives, and we didn’t even complain that much about it. We went on record that it sucked, and that was about it. But we don’t want to lose another semester because it’s easier for you to put us online and still charge us way too much money for information poorly taught to us by instructors who care more about their research than the knowledge that they’re supposed to be imparting onto us. We’d rather read a textbook and call it a day.

So, take your tongues out of your assholes, face the fact that shutting down all social interaction for people that just want to sleep, drink, and fuck is incredibly detrimental to the mental health and well-being to the students you’re supposed to care about. Let us live.



Avatar photo

Written by TFM

To comment, fill out your name and email below.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Driver That Gave Us “Let’s Go Brandon” Unveils A LGB Car

Bet $20 On The Colts v. The Raiders And Get $150 Regardless Of The Outcome