Angry Vegans Try To Change Low-Level Baseball Team Name

(Photo from @gomaconbacon on Instagram)

As a proud tubby American, there is nothing I hate more than vegans. Between not eating any good foods and judging every single person who isn’t physically attracted to plants, vegans truly are some of the worst people on the planet. Well, once again they are back at trying to change the world for the worse.

Down in central Georgia there is a collegiate summer baseball team part of the Coastal Plain League. Hailing from the town of Macon, GA, it seemed only right for the team name to be the Macon Bacon. Great name, right? Maybe even perfect. Well, what I’ve already described as the worst group of people ever is trying to change that.

Yup, a vegan cult by the name of The Physicians Committee of Responsible Medicine submitted a legitimate proposal to the Macon Bacon, asking the team to change their name to the Macon Facon Bacon as a way to promote plant-based bacon. That is the most disgustingly 2023 thing I’ve ever heard.

In a press release, the group’s nutrition educator Anna Herby wrote, “Macon Bacon’s glorification of bacon, a processed meat that raises the risk of colorectal cancer and other diseases, sends the wrong message to fans. I urge you to update the team’s name to Macon Facon Bacon and promote plant-based bacon alternatives, such as Facon Bacon or Mushroom Bacon, that will help your fans stay healthy.”

I’m pretty sure this woman has never been to a baseball game in her life. Not only do baseball fans not give a shit about their cholesterol, we are too busy shoving hot dogs down our throats to even read that garbage of a press release. We are a people who thrive on processed meats, peanuts packaged back in 1999, and beer. There is no chance in hell that we ever eat anything plant-based let alone tofu bacon.

Thankfully, the Maple Bacon stuck to their guns and declined the vegan’s aggressive invitation. Team president Brandon Rapheal made a statement responding to the evil vegans, saying “While we are disappointed in the disapproval of our branding from Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, the Macon Bacon do not view ourselves as a glorification of an unhealthy lifestyle; rather, we pride ourselves on being a fun-natured organization focused on bringing families and communities together of Middle Georgia and beyond. We take great pride in the Macon Bacon naming rights (which our fans named), as we get to witness the smiles and laughter from our fan base – who have supported our branding since our inception — that stems from the brand’s lighthearted and playful nature. We are a family-friendly organization and we are extremely grateful for our fans.”

The fact this is even a real thing is pretty ridiculous. Whether you eat bacon or not, you can’t expect a full-on organization to change everything about itself just to appease some tree huggers. Honestly, vegans shouldn’t even be allowed to eat fake bacon if they hate the real thing that much. Clearly it’s freakin’ delicious if you plant-Nazis needed to come up with a gross alternative.

Anyway, I’ve never heard of the Macon Bacon until today, but with a name like that and clear moral values that I can get behind, you better believe I’m a new fan.

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Written by Alex Becker

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