Apple Invented the Future

The WWDC (World Wide Developers Conference) was today and Apple is so back. They quite literally invented the future, a new way for us to get rejected at bars and new ways to annoy our friends. The future is now, get out of the way.

This has to be the scariest piece of technology I have seen in a long time. Our world is slowly becoming “The Matrix” and there is no way I can see myself using one of these. I was watching the release video and they are mentioning how “you can travel anywhere in the world from the comfort of your living room”. If that doesn’t scare you, I don’t know what will. Our reality is slowly becoming a 1982 or any other apocalyptic movie. This and AI will be the end of us. But, imagine watching p*rn on this thing, that would be cool.

This will be a game changer when I am too blacked out to text my friends that I made it home from the local dive bar. Shoutout Apple for this one.

Dear Apple, I know my golf swing sucks because *WHEN* I make contact, it goes 100 yards right and 20 yards forward. I don’t need an app to tell me I suck. My least favorite feature from this entire event is this stupid thing.

Introverts are shaking in their boots right now. Not only will they have to deal with unsolicited Facetime, but they’re also going to have to watch the video voicemail I leave for them. This will be an absolutely lethal tool for when you drunkenly Facetime your ex.

All I see here is a new way for girls to never text me back after I get their numbers.

Written by TFM Stelly

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