the godfather
During my first year at college, I spent quite a lot of time in public bathrooms. Whether it was an academic building or one of the dining halls, I learned that a decent amount of people lack proper bathroom etiquette. Even if you don’t realize it, you might share some tendencies with these “toilet terrorists”, but that’s why I’m here to share some “do’s” and “don’ts” for the next time you drop the kids off at the pool.
Do: Clean the Toilet Seat
The last thing anyone wants to do when they’re turtling is wipe up a whole gallon of sprinkled piss before they go to sit down and have a bowel movement. If you’re going to pee in a stall because all the urinals are taken (or maybe you’re just a little gun-shy), the least you can do is clean up any misfires when you finish. When you leave your urine coated on the toilet seat, you’re just subjecting an innocent soul to clean it up later on. Not cool bro.
Don’t: Talk to Others
The little boy’s room is not a place to socialize. If you see someone you know, say “Hello” and move on with your business. No one wants to hear a personal conversation while they’re busy blowing mud. In addition to that, do not try and strike up a conversation with someone you don’t know. Not only is it annoying, but some people might start to get the wrong idea about your intentions, especially when you’re at the urinal. Unzip your pants, not your mouth.
Do: Wash Your Hands (Sometimes)
If you take a dump, wash your hands. The razor-thin toilet paper in public bathrooms isn’t all that difficult to rip through, so chances are you might get a little bit of dookie on your fingers when you go to wipe. However, peeing is a different story. Just as the legends Bert Kreischer and Will Smith say, “My dick is clean”. I take enough pride in my personal hygiene to be confident in the fact that I have a clean genital area. Therefore, when I whip it out at the urinal, I don’t feel the dire need to go and wash my hands after. Sue me.
Don’t: Masturbate
You would think that this is a given, right? Well, you’d be surprised. I’m sure that this isn’t the case in most public restrooms, but anything goes on a college campus. No matter how sneaky or quiet you think you’re being, the consistent faps coming from the handicapped stall echo louder than you could ever imagine. I understand being down bad, but for the love of God have some self-control and at least wait until you’re alone. I’d still advise that you do your dirty work elsewhere, but if it needs to be a public bathroom stall, please follow “do” number one and clean up after yourself.
