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Best Responses to First Day of Class “Fun Facts”

For whatever reason, a lot of professors in college think it is necessary to create a “community” in their classes, despite the fact that everyone in the room desperately wants to just sit there and watch the time go by. Because of this, every class usually starts with “ice breakers” in which you have to share your name, if you’re a dude or a chick or some kind of tweener preferred pronouns, major, hometown, and a “fun fact about you.” I’ve now completed six syllabus weeks in my college career, and I can tell you that the following answers to the desired “fun facts” are the best ones you can give.

“One fun fact about me is that I’m a convicted sex offender.”

This one is great if you’re looking to be completely isolated in the class. Sometimes you get the occasional dipshit or two who wants to become best friends because you both decided to sign up for Astronomy 101 after reading that it was one of the easiest to take on your college campus, and this will stop anyone from trying to be friendly. For the most part, you’ll sit by yourself and not even the professor will want to get too close to you – which means you can spend the entirety of the class surfing through Reddit in peace.

“My fun fact is that is that I made four uncredited appearances on Euphoria in the first season.”

I go for this one if there’s a few hot girls in the class. It’s common knowledge that every single female is obsessed with this show, so doing this will immediately draw their attention to you. From here, they’ll most likely hit you up asking what Zendaya and Sydney Sweeney are like, which gives you the opportunity to make absolutely anything up about them. Tell them you got along really well with both of them, but Zendaya has a bit of wild side and sometimes gets scary on set. Or say that you didn’t interact much with either, but Tom Holland was on set once and he’s a real stand-up guy. My go-to is that Sydney Sweeney and I had a one-night fling that ended in you signing several NDAs. Automatically makes you desirable.

“Hmm, I guess my fun fact is that I have a nine-inch cock.”

Every single person’s first thought will be: No, he fucking doesn’t. But at the same time, they’ll all be wondering just a little bit if it’s true. Of course, you’ll know that you’re barely pushing a sixer, but if any girl actually has sex with you to find out, you’ve already won. If it doesn’t work out, though, that a girl in your class believes you, then at least you’ll have given her a laugh. And let’s face it, your dick is never going to be your biggest attraction, so it’s time to start being at least a little funny.

“Uhhhh, I’m not sure. Oh wait, my fun fact is that I survived six gunshot wounds to the chest.”

Tells everyone there that you’re a straight-up bad ass. It also gets everyone asking you, “What happened?” For this one, you’re going to want to respond with, “I can’t really talk about it without incriminating myself.” That sends the message that you aren’t to be fucked with in any way because the person that shot you isn’t alive anymore. 

“My fun fact is that I fucking hate you, Professor Asshole.”

This just asserts you as the alpha of the class. It shows right away that despite the fact that you’re not the professor, he doesn’t run shit. It will usually be followed up with a standing ovation from the rest of the class and your professor telling you that you have an A+ for the year and no longer have to attend any of his lectures.

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Written by VinegarStrokes

Above average intelligence, below average weiner.

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