Best Ways To Get Yourself Broken Up With

Breaking up with someone can be really difficult. I know I’ve had my struggles with it, so if you’re looking for a way to stop entering her (or him) on a regular basis but want it to be her idea, here are a few good ways to accomplish that.

Murder Her Entire Family

This may sound difficult, but with a singular purchase of a fully-automatic firearm, you can wipe out her mom, dad, brother, and sister in just a few short seconds. She’ll be more angry with you than the time you pissed her bed, so it’s almost a guarantee that she’ll no longer want to be in a relationship with you. Don’t do this if she hates her family, though, because then she’ll just love you even more.

Say Her Best Friend’s Name During Sex

The key here is to wait until you’re just about done with intercourse, also known as the “climax.” As you’re releasing your load, yell out the name of her best friend. She’ll definitely get a little annoyed at that. The important thing is to double down after and apologize by saying, “Sorry, sometimes I just have to picture her to finish.” With that, you’ll either seal the deal or wind up with a threesome. Either way, it’s worth it.

Sell All of Her Belongings for Drugs

This tactic will piss her off in two ways. First, she might be just a tad flustered that she no longer has a bed, any clothing, or a place to live. Second, she’ll think you have a crippling drug addiction. Put together, those two things are almost certainly enough to get her to want to kick you to the curb.

Get Her a Boob Job Without Her Consent

This is the most expensive of all the options because not only will you have to pay for plastic surgery, but it’ll also require a large purchase of a narcotic that will knock her out long enough to have the procedure and enough money to bribe a doctor to do it – plastic surgeons are all money grubbers, though, so it shouldn’t be hard to find one. If by some miracle she doesn’t want to end things right as she wakes up, the bright side is that she’ll have a rockin’ pair of brand new fun bags for you to play with.

Start Being Really Racist

Listen, racism is a pretty horrible thing, but that’s exactly why we’re using it. I know it will be hard to start stereotyping minorities and saying horrible things about ethnic groups, but with how woke women are these days, you won’t have to do it for long. This one works even better if she’s black.

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Written by TFM

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