Everybody loves Adam Sandler. He is probably my favorite actor of all time. I used to have Happy Gilmore on VHS, and I watched it so many times from the ages of 5-8 that I burnt it, and it wasn’t usable. Everybody always says the three movies are his greatest are Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison, and Waterboy. This blog isn’t here to argue which one is my favorite; this blog is here to take quotes that Billy had about elementary and high school and convert them to what he would have been saying if he went to college instead. Before we get started, people are making their way back to school to prove to daddy that you’re not a fool, and what better way to go back to school than with this sick t-shirt. I know that I’m a blogger for TFM, and we made these shirts, but regardless these are awesome shirts and my favorite that we have made.
1) “You Ain’t Cool Unless You Pee Your Pants” Converted To “You Ain’t Cool Unless You Black Out.”
If you’ve seen the movie, you know that one of Billy’s classmates accidentally pissed his pants, and he pretends to do it, so the kid isn’t embarrassed. How this works in college is maybe one or a couple of your friends went extremely hard. They don’t remember anything last night as they’re hungover and dying; they ask what happened. Instead of telling them all the stupid shit they did to themselves, you can pretend that you also got just as drunk and don’t remember anything. It’s a win-win. You don’t have to embarrass your friend, and a group that blackout together stays together.
2) “If Peeing Your Pants Is Cool Consider Me Miles Davis” Converted To “If Blacking Out Is Cool Consider Me Drake.”
Miles Davis hasn’t been cool since the 60s and 70s, so we had to update it a little bit. I’m hoping that Drake is still cool, or I’ll look dumb. This would have been said by a super senior who is still in college for the girls and parties. They go the hardest regardless of the night, and the chance of them blacking out is very high.
3) “I Hate Cursive, And I Hate All Of You” Converted To “I Hate Algebra, And I Hate All Of You.”
This would be screamed at by a freshman who doesn’t understand why they need to take General Ed Algebra when their major has nothing to do with math. Like how nobody uses cursive nobody uses algebra unless you’re wicked smart, which I’m guessing if you love Billy Madison as much as I do, you’re not. This freshman hasn’t been to any cool parties yet; they miss their parents, spend all their time in the dorms, and college isn’t living up to the hype. Hopefully, that freshman finds their niche and doesn’t keep screaming how much they hate everybody.
4) “I Bet That Snack Pack Is Pretty Good Huh?” Converted To “I Bet That Line Of Coke Is Pretty Good Huh?”
In elementary school, snack pack is king, and in college, cocaine is king. If you partake in the nose candy, you know there will be a line to the bathroom and not for people to take a shit.
5) “Stay Here. Stay As Long As You Can.” Converted To “Stay Here. Stay As Long As You Can.”
In the movie, Billy screams this at some elementary school kid who says he’s excited to go into high school. This same quote would work perfectly if Billy Madison were set in college. This would have been screamed by somebody who had recently graduated college and dealt with the real world. In college, your only worry is what you will drink tonight and hope that you can bring a girl home. Compared to the real world where you have bills, a job you hate and pretend that you’re now an adult. Instead of rushing away college, enjoy it; become that super senior who still goes to parties and tries to hook up with sophomores. The real world is overrated.
What quotes did I miss? Would you like to see a Billy Madison 2 where he goes to college, or has that ship sailed? Remember, if you’re going back to school to prove to daddy that you’re not a fool, buy this shirt. If you enjoy any of my blogs and the content that TFM puts out, the best way to support us is to buy merch.