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Breaking News: Domino’s Can No Longer Be Considered Real Pizza

Within the last month or so, Domino’s has completely shut down all of its branches in Italy after failing to gain traction amongst the Italian population. Because Italy is the birthplace of pizza, this colossal failure illustrates the true nature of Domino’s Pizza: It’s not real pizza. If a barbecue place failed in Austin, Texas, everyone would say it’s just not real barbecue. If a cheesesteak place failed in Philly, everyone would say it’s just not real cheesesteak. There’s really no difference with Domino’s.

With $10.8 million in debt at the end of 2020, Domino’s was unable to recover from lingering pandemic effects, along with the fact that Italians just didn’t enjoy the product. If I lived in the pizza capital of the world, I would be pretty choosy about my pizza too. Also, could you imagine touring Italy on a vacation and seeing a Domino’s? I would be so distraught that this half-baked-stomach-cramp-inducing excuse for a “pizza” made it all the way over the Atlantic and took hold in a place that prides itself on amazing food. If you decide to eat at Domino’s over hundreds of more authentic options while in Italy, I honestly think you shouldn’t be allowed to eat anymore. Is that probably a little harsh? Maybe. But, now the option to even choose Domino’s in Italy is completely gone. And to that I say good riddance.

*Information for this article was obtained from the New York Times and Bloomberg UK*

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Written by the godfather

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