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Breaking News: Lana Rhoades Is Single Again

The world’s favorite step-sister is single again. What does this mean for normal people like you and me? This means absolutely nothing. The chances of a normal guy hooking up with the sex queen are improbable, but a guy can dream, right? We can only hope that she makes her triumphant return back to the Hub. The chances are unlikely, as she has said multiple times her time doing traditional porn is done. She said that she could make a couple of million by posting a simple picture or video on Only Fans. I mean, I don’t blame her, but the day I start subscribing to Only Fans will be dark, especially when there are thousands of free videos.

Lana was dating some guy named Mike. The only reason I know anything about him is because he was dating Lana Rhoades, and he does a podcast with one of the Paul brothers. After looking into their relationship, it seems as if they break up, talk about it, and then before you know it, they’re back together. Everybody knows a couple like this, and it’s always awkward because you can’t shit talk too much since you know they’ll be back together soon. So maybe by the end of the week, they’ll be back together, and it’ll be sad boy season for everyone who thought they had a chance to get with Lana. Spoiler alert you don’t have a chance.

P.S. For all of the dumbasses who say they would pass, and they wouldn’t throw their hot dog down that hallway. You would be a 2 pump chump who would be happy to be there and would brag to all of your boys that you were with Lana Rhoades.

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Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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