Bryson, Foxes, And Bears Oh My

The mountain course of Montana provided some great wildlife. We had foxes and bears casually strolling through the course. The wildlife wasn’t the scariest thing on the course, but instead, it was the steroid raged Bryson DeChambeau. Bryson didn’t do anything too insane yesterday, but you never know when he might run out of protein shakes or get flare-ups from the steroids that he’s been pumping in his ass. Well, there was this video before The Match…

People like to joke about Kawhi being a robot, but Bryson is the real robot. Kawhi is quiet, keeps to himself, and doesn’t show any emotions. Instead, Bryson has no idea how to be a human. He’s a computer trying to figure out how to be a human. First, he showed his true robot style as he was all about algorithms and other computer shit. He realized humans didn’t talk in numbers, and instead, he tried to beef up and become this crazy intense jock. Next, he’s going to turn into a hipster. Bryson thinks he’s Rocky and a Nelk boy in this clip.

Where I’m from, it’s not uncommon to see a bear, but we don’t have them casually strolling on the golf course. The course in Montana gives you bear spray with your golf cart. Cart keys, golf tees, golf balls, clubs, a dozen beers, check oh wait, also need your god damn bear spray. I have never used bear spray or have seen bear spray in use, but I imagine it doesn’t work. It’s a fucking bear who can be 1300 pounds and 9 feet in length. What will a canister of spray do against a creature that big? Being a mailman, you get a canister of dog spray with your bag. With it being the post office, the spray is normally very outdated, and I’ve thankfully never had to use it, but I’ve seen it in use. That shit doesn’t do anything. If a dog is pissed off enough, getting outdated spray doesn’t do anything.

Foxes were also casually scrolling the course. Foxes are a bunch of pussies. People will think their kittens are so cute, and then the dumbasses will get attacked by the mother. People are then terrified of foxes, but they are dumbasses and think they can play with wild animals, and nothing will happen. The wildlife rules are simple if you leave them alone, they’ll leave you alone.

Going back to the steroid rage man Bryson and Aaron Rodgers easily won the match. Bryson crushed a ball 400 plus yards like it was nothing. Maybe it’s the Montana altitude, or maybe it was a good blend of steroids he had in the morning.

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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